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Friday, December 11
Zero's Friday Five
Happy Holidays, Everybody!... Anybody?... Hello?
Well, for those of you still hiding in the shadows, your old buddy Zero has cooked up a holiday list of goodies just for you. With Hanukkah beginning tonight, and Xmas just 2 tiny weeks away, you really need to pay attention. The season of giving and good will towards men will soon be over, but before it goes away, consider these five things to brighten up the lives of others!
1. Random Sexting - If you're of age, I advise you to take some snaps of your milk duds and skin flutes and randomly text them along to wrong numbers. Nothing cheers up a stranger than anonymous wangs and funbags appearing on their cell phones. Put a Santa hat on Jimmy or jazz up your door knockers with a holiday wreath to make it even more festive!
2. Donate to Charity - Charity needs money. You can find her at Night Moves in Latham, working the pole most weeknights. Give all you can. Her college tuition and drug habit aren't going to pay for themselves!
3. Go Caroling! - Carol can also be found at Night Moves on weeknights, and she offers her lapdance clients "extras". T'is the season!
4. Assault a Mall Santa - These phonies have been allowed to feel up our children while simultaneously crushing their Christmas morning hopes and dreams for too long! I believe enough is enough already. It's time to take back our innocence and let these pretend Santas know that we are mad as hell and we aren't going to take it anymore! Rise up for the REAL Santa Claus, and club your mall Santa with a bat.
5. Seriously, Donate to Charity - For reals. Those annoying bell ringers everywhere actually do good work. Go to a soup kitchen for an afternoon and help feed the needy, or spend a little time at a senior living center chatting up the 90-years-young and lonely. There are many ways we can each make the holidays a little bit sunnier for everyone. No jokes here, friends. Give a little bit of your money, food, old clothes, or just time to people in need this year...
...and don't forget the random sexting.
Happy Holidays to All! And to all a Good Night!
posted by: Zero @ 11:38 AM
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