Carrying on in the inexplicable tradition of calling the mid day of the week "Hump Day," this week's Wednesday blog is devoted to many, if not all, things 'hump'.
Like what, you ask?
Like Hump!, the annual amateur hardcore film festival. To prove the 8-minute or less videos were created especially for Hump!, this year's videos have to include specific props. Or locations. Or... people.
Like My Humps - or rather, Fergie's 'humps' and 'lumps', quite possibly the least sexy way of referring to the female curvature and the deliberate use of it to garner beaucoup de bling.
Like Hump Jones, a blogger. I... he... there are no words. But there are naked parts, so consider yourself forwarned.
Like a back hump, a.k.a. Kyphosis, a.k.a. Dowager's hump. The most famous one, I'd imagine, was on that bellringing-dude in Notre Dame.
And I've learned something too... Robert Smith kicks ass.
posted by: Skeeve @ 9:49 PM
Saturday, April 26
blogging from an abandon tenement building...
i took zeros advise and stayed up late to post this
OK, so not really blogging from an abandoned building ive been busy helping Zung and still havent found time to make another long movie
See you next week! maybe with explosions and car chases!
posted by: WORMHORN @ 9:56 PM
Friday, April 25
Zero's Friday Five
Stay up super late tonight
posted by: Zero @ 6:32 PM
Thursday, April 24
#9: Risk Management
I am honestly a little surprised that I have a comic up on time after my trip to Ohio. However, I think it's a little early in the strip to start resorting to filler art, so I hope everyone enjoys this week's strip more than Terry did.
Monday night brought with it the acquisition of new vehicular mode of transport.
After hearing that Izzy had been totaled, I was dreading several days straight of bouncing from cat lot to car lot, on an seemingly endless quest for a vehicle that meets my needs, in my price range, being sold by that impossible holy grail of creatures, the Honest Car Salesman.
Instead, at the first place we went to seriously look at used cars, I found one.
sorry, that was me picking up my own jaw again.
Seriously though - we went to Fogg's Automotive in Scotia, NY and with the help of Jim Hamblet, found what is now my new car - a 2003 Mazda Tribute. My as-yet-unnamed vehicle is white, has four wheel drive, a sweet aftermarket tow package, heated seats and heated side-view mirrors, a sun roof, and enough room for Skeeve AND the niblets, with plenty to spare for both full-grown and growing legs....
...which brings me to the next bit of fun news this week. The Littlest Admiral, left to his own devices in the living room this morning, not only made his way TO the stairs, but then proceeded to climb all the way UP them, where thankfully Skeeve overheard him and snagged him - before The Tiny Emperor succeeded in convincing him to attempt going back down the stairs.
I think I've never been so proud and mad at the same time before.
First things first... This year is going too fast.
I think it's all the wishing the week away for the weekend, and then all of a sudden the weekend is gone away too and there you are at Monday again trying to come up with a witty blog, or at least some kind of rebuttal to the Friday Five's suggestions that you will be filing some sort of litigation... (I shant... But you might want to examine anything blue and furry in your environment very closely, if you catch my drift.)
In the past two weeks we've lost a car, found a car, waited for the check to buy said car, worked, BBQ'd, played, played some more, changed diapers, washed sippy cups, cleaned up the house, twice, Played with a drummer and guitarist, who I am not sure that they will work out, watched the magnolia bloom, planted raspberry bushes, test drove cars, napped, recovered from pneumonia, worked, put kids to bed, talked on the phone to family, had friends over and went to the Snack Bar and slept... A little.
We've spent money on food and drink, movies and games... We've bought plastic and cloth, paper and chemicals.
We've spring cleaned.
We've TFRL'd.
We've read all your posts and contributions.
And now? I'm going to try for a little more of that sleep stuff... What can I say, I'm a fan.
**HUGS!**
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:24 PM
Saturday, April 19
yardwork is for suckers
so... tired
longer video diary blog thing next week
now, i sleep
posted by: WORMHORN @ 3:22 PM
Friday, April 18
Zero's Friday Five
If you go out this weekend, I want you to consider these five things:
1. Everybody you find attractive at the club/bar/etc, also finds you attractive - This is true, because beer goggles and black lights mean you're just as hot as everybody else. So, grow a pair and talk to that fly hottie in the corner. Tomorrow, when you wake up next to a hairy dude whose name you don't know and can't remember, consider the magic qualities of beer.
2. The designated driver hates you - This is also very true. Not because the person isn't allowed to drink and whatnot, but because he/she knows full well that you are likely to puke at some point, and the longer you go without puking, the more likely you are to puke in the car, and not offer to clean it up. That's what he/she gets for being a good friend. A car that smells of your insides.
3. Kissing a stranger is a great way to say hello - This is not true, no matter what movies and the French tell you. This will get you put in the street or herpes or both.
4. Zung will not be there - This is true. Zung will be in Namby Pamby with his fist up Wormhorn's ass.
5. If you get drunk enough, everybody will be bisexual - This is false. Just ask our current President and the leader of the highly esteemed country of Iran. During a recent goodwill visit to America, one of them (I will not say who) got a little tipsy and there was some man hands on man nuts touching. I believe Michael Moore was either involved, has pictures to prove it, or both. Only time and bad documentary filmmaking will tell.
Well, that's it. Enjoy your weekend, and heed the Friday Five. Personally, I'll be waiting to hear from Skeeve in regards to the imminent slander lawsuit against TKOP from people and or trolls who think that everything they read about themselves is true. These people should know that the Friday Five is the deranged ramblings of a mind addicted to pain killers and half eaten by zombie hookers. It is not to be taken seriously, nor is it ever truthful. Or is it? I'm the door that always lies. And I'm the door that always tells the truth. Tra lalalalala.
Hey, have you guys seen that new purple 5 dollar bill?
Wednesday, April 16
Department of repetitive reduncancy division
Sometimes I find myself at a loss as to what I should blog about. Currently, the only thing that springs to mind is the most recent upheaval of my life - namely, the car accident I got into last week with the wee ones. I feel like it's no longer news, though. Information has already been disseminated, via chat, IMs, etc. to the majority of the people who would really CARE about such an event beyond a brief "Geez, that sucks."
So now I wonder - at what identifiable point does news cease to be news, and become a repetition of previously known and discussed facts for some alternative goal other than informing and/or entertaining. At what point does the mind of the reader/watcher/listener hit that critical tick over from absorbing and learning, to enduring in anticipation of the next fresh databit*?
If there is such a point, has it yet been identified - and if so, who knows about it, and what use do they make of it in terms of trying to maintain the attention of readership/viewership/listenership for the sake of clicks/adtime/ratings?
At what point did I stop offering something interesting to just ask questions?
*Side thought: Is there a particular specifying phrase for discrete units of data/information?
Hopefully you sent your taxes in months ago, and have already gotten and spent down your fabulously large refunds, and gotten yourself a nice new toy like a 42 inch HDTV.
That is my hope for you.
But if this isn't the case, oh... I feel sorry for you. This is one of the busiest nights for tax preparation. Getting your taxes done professionally tonight would be impossible. As well as the web preparation sites will be logged down with use. You'll be spending a night in screaming frustration cursing your own procrastination.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
Oh, and let us not even discuss the lines at the post office. If you do try to mail your forms out tomorrow, you will risk the enmity of your co-procrastination and the general evil of the USPS employees. (Help me out here Mudds.)
May you get the bigest return that you are entitled to!
posted by: Skeeve @ 9:17 PM
Saturday, April 12
A FIRESIDE CHAT
Another fabulicious video diary entry blog, from your friendly tkop troll...
Tuesday, April 8
Torn From MY Real Life: Car accident - I can has one.
Or rather, I had one, this morning. I was driving the wee ones to daycare before work, and when I got on the off ramp, traffic was stopped. I go to brake and HELLO WHY IS MY BRAKE NOT BRAKING BUMPER COMING UP FAST CAN'T SWERVE IN TIME BAM-!
I saw white. If my brain weren't functioning in panic mode, I might have thought something about going into the light, or being in Nothing, or... something. But no, it was just the air bag, and my kids were screaming.
Lifted my head, saw two women already out of their minivans ahead of me. Shut the car off. turned the power back on to roll down the windows, and let the powder form the airbags dissipate, because it smelled godawful, and who knows what it was doing to my kids lungs? Or mine, come to think of it.
Turned around and tried to start soothing the kids. The Tine Emperor had taken off his shoes and socks as usual, so I was able to calm him down by holding and rubbing his bare foot, and talking to him. One of the women came to my window, asked if I was all right, and asked me if I wanted her to call 911. I said yes, and she did.
Then she asked me if I wanted her to take the baby out of the back seat, and mama bear reared up inside. "No! Don't touch my baby!" She backed off. Helped me open my door, though she asked if I really thought shouldn't I just stay in the car? I told her I had to take care of my kids.
Hands were shaking. The women kept exchanging looks and talking about me like I couldn't hear them; I was a little bit in shock, I know. Front door was hard to open, it wanted to stay shut. Back door opened okay, and I petted and soothed TLA. Almost lost my balance on a piece of styrofoam on the ground that must have come out of my car. When did they start putting styrofoam in cars?
Went around to the far side of the car, opened TTE's door, and let myself sit backwards on the edge of the doorframe, found his socks, his shoes, put them on. The Littlest Admiral finally started sucking on his fingers. TTE's showed me his owie - a scrape/abrasion on his neck, looked like it was from his seatbelt and the collar of his coat. He said he had an owie on his stomach, too.
State trooper and EMS showed up almost at the same time, and I had to answer questions to two people at once while a third put my right leg in a splint. Where the hell did that swollen bruise come from? They checked the kids, and took them out of the car in their carseats to put in an ambulance, and me on a stretcher.
My first ambulance ride.
TTE looked on the verge of panic when they finally got his seat buckled in on the bench beside my stretcher. Averted it by asking him if he knew what kind of car we were in, and told him it was an ambulance. We got moving, the paramedic sitting beside him. TLA was in his seat somewhere off behind me, behind the driver's seat, and it was very disconcerting, though he was apparently flirting up a storm with the girl as she took my info and the kids' info.
Called Skeve. Called him while I was still in the car, actually, and then in the ambulance to let him know we were going to Albany Med. Called the sitter from the car too. Apparently she came right over, because we were only a few minutes from her house, but she showed up only in time to identify herself as a family friend and watch the ambulance pull away.
Got to the hospital, and they handed the kids down to hospital workers and wheeled me in. The kids got put on one gurney, and I got lifted onto another. I told one of the guys I'd think light thoughts as they lifted, and got a little bit of a chuckle. Answered the same 20 questions in triplicate to three different people, all while watching no less than five nurses talking to TTE and TLA, checking them out and deluging TTE with a plethora of stickers - and he rewarded them by being at his most beguilingly charming, wrapping every one around his uninjured little finger.
After TLA checked out as okay, they brought him over to give to me, because he was unnerved and frightened and fussy. Head on my shoulder, fingers in his mouth, and he was nestled against me. Quiet. Calm. In the face of which, the pain that sprouted up and down my back from tightening muscles did not matter.
The gurney TTE was on was slid over next to mine, and both TVs were turned on to keep him occupied with cartoons. Skeeve arrived soon thereafter, to TTE's delight. And, naturally, to mine. Talked to two doctors. Dr. P was the first, and then Dr.... I can't remember right now. But it's a familiar name, someone I know goes to his office. Nice gentleman, older, wonderful sense of humor. He finally disconnected me from the pulse/oxygen monitor and the blood pressure cuff and helped me up to try walking around.
The kids had a glorious snack of saltines and graham crackers and apple juice. Stickers decorated the gurney handle and TTE's car seat. Darcey came to check on us and stole TTE to go wander the unit for ten minutes, at which point he charmed EVERYONE on duty.
Knee was pronounced bruised by otherwise okay. If the patella had broken, I'd be able to see a piece of it pulled up into my thigh by the strength of the tendons. Ew. But neat! But ew. He gave me a prescription for Ibuprofen, and Loritab, and for today and tomorrow off work. Discharged. Skeeve and TTE went to get the car, after TTE insisted on putting the sock on my foot. Skeve shod me. I changed TLA and got my coat back on. One of the older nurses came by to tell me my older boy is wonderful, there's something extra special behind his eyes.
TTE and Skeeve returned, and we all made our way out to the car. Since the doctor said that the best thing for the kids would be to go through their normal routine, we headed to C's (the sitter) house. She was happy to see them. And hugged me, and we cried. They consider us family friends now, which is really a warm, amazing feeling. The kids were off like a shot to the living room to play. I wonder how long either of them will remember this.
Amidst several phone calls to assure people that rumors of my death had been greatly exaggerated, we went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Skeeve decided that I needed to be taken to dinner someplace spoilery to help me relax. It helped. We also went to look at LL Bean, which I found rather disappointing, and Barnes and Noble's new location, wherein there was now NObody I knew working, which was rather sad.
Then we came north, and went to CVS to fill my prescriptions. Bossman called my phone while I was there, to see how I was doing and let me know that I could call him if I needed anything. Which is kind of funny, since he's in Florida for a conference right now. Now am home, waiting for the insurance guy to call me back, so I can arrange getting my rental car. Am also browsing used cars online, because I fear that Izzy might be totalled, and if that's a case I'm just hoping the insurance payout is enough to buy out the loan so I can take whatever's left over and go looking for a new car.
For those who eagerly tuned in hoping to catch the next installment of Skeeve and Eyeball's artistic masterwork, Torn From Real Life - fear not! It shall return tomorrow.
posted by: Bliss @ 8:03 PM
Monday, April 7
End of all things.
It seems that things for many of my friends are in flux... Change...
Change, good or bad, can be stressful. One friend is getting all the major ones all at once. The stress trifecta. New job, with more responsibility, and a HIGH profile... In a different state. So they have to sell thier current house and buy a new one and move into it. Also, his wife is pregnant, and due... right around the move. I'm simply expecting his head to explode.
3 bands I know of are breaking up, or falling apart.
Several people also have been very ill...
But... March is over, and from here on the sunshine will invade our lives, filling us and getting ready for summer. This year that means yardwork... And projects that involve tearing out floors, doors and a shed.
Be well, open up and let the sunshine in.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:17 PM
Saturday, April 5
ZUNG WITH HASHBROWNS
HOLY CARP TKOP PEOPLES, THEY GAVE ME ACCESS TO THE BLOG I PROMISE TO USE MY POWER FOR GOOD. OR FOR FREE BREAD SAMPLES.
oh, and I promised eve i would use wittle itty bitty wetters.
i make movies now. its all amatter of time until i am making a big hollywood flim with a mechanical shark.
until now, please enjoy my first webisode video blog diary entry:
ZUNG WITH HASHBROWNS
posted by: WORMHORN @ 10:35 AM
Friday, April 4
Zero's Friday Five
Spread the love... Zero's Friday Five is coming at you ASAFP this week. Why? Because I said so, that's why. I mean, it IS Friday, isn't it?... Don't you just love people who say stupid things like, "Well, it's after midnight so technically it's tomorrow". I have important news. There's nothing technical about that. It is, in fact, actually tomorrow. Not just because you said so, but because that's how time works. Don't believe me? Ask a clock. Here's a few other dumb things people say (have I said these things? Probably some of them... Not even I, your weekend Lord and Savior, can avoid the pitfalls of self imposed retardation):
1. Hot/Cold/Windy/Etc... Enough For You? - The answer to this is always, no, followed by the worst thing you can think of. For example: Idiot says, "Hot enough for you?", and you say, "No. I'm hoping it goes up a couple of degrees so that I can cook my balls on your driveway and serve them, with a side of crap fries to your wife."
2. She/He Has Gone To A Better Place - Well, how does this person know where they're going? Maybe this person was a severe douchebag behind closed doors and is burning in the deepest pits of Hell right next to Leslie Stevens and Gene Roddenberry.
3. He/She Probably Smells My Dog - This is what all sexual deviants say as an excuse to continue to allow an animal of sufficient height to manually stimulate their junk in front of company.
4. _______ Is The Greatest Of All Time - No. Because we can't see the future, and your ego needs to allow for the fact that the world will go on without you.
5. I Hope You're Happy/Satisfied! - Chances are, this is said after someone has done something that they either wanted to do, or thought was a good idea, that ultimately annoyed someone else who then says this. What Dim McDimmerson doesn't get is that OF COURSE they're happy! They just did something they wanted to do. Stop being so self important just because someone did something contrary to your wishes, desires, and/or values. If you're going to be that short sighted, egomaniacal and stubborn, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to move to Kansas, where all the past and future Jerry Springer guests reside.
There. You've read the five, comma splices and all. I hope you're happy!
One thing I will never get tired of on the internet is the brain-boggling surprise factor. The human mind is a creative thing, for better or for worse, and what develops when many brains are involved in the shared constant partial attention space of the world wide web - something which, when the term was coined, was a grandiose misnomer, but is daily becoming increasingly a truism.
Between bulletin boards, journaling communities, search portals, and sidebar nuggets, there is almost always something available to offer a tidbit of information, relate a joke, or drag you into a meme*. Sure, lots of girls decorated their My Little Ponies with extra doodles when they were little, but now there are entire communities related to near-professional modifications of the dang things. Gmail's sponsored links includes headlines from Reuters Odd News that lets me know that a severed head and two hands were found on a beach in Scotland**. At every turn you have to be on your guard against being rickrolled***.
Almost anywhere on the internet there is fun, surprise, and entertainment to be had, sometimes so mind-bendingly unexpected that for a moment all you can do is just jawdrop and stare. And then wonder - would it blend?
posted by: Bliss @ 10:45 PM
