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Monday, April 30
Cinco de Mayo!
Or, as I like to call it:
"Drink a nearly ethnic beer day".
We have two of these very special holidays. One is for the Irish driving out the pagans, and the other is for the Mexicans driving out the French. I mean, do we really need a holiday for that? It's really easy... if you see a french man invading just draw a nice warm bath... With soap. Works every time.
I will NOT however make the mistake I made last year and go to an ethnic place ON thier holiday. Egads. The food was bad, the waitress was probaly someone's realitive and we had to wait in line to get seated. It was re-cock-ulous. Somewhere in there I lost my composure, my dignity and my patience.
So, what we've taken to doing is swapping the drink a nearly ethnic beer holiday places. You'll be amazed how empty the opposite one is on the day of the others bru-ha-ha. So what if you're having corned beef and cabbage while the rest of the world eats tacos! Or if your guiness has a slice of lime in it. At least you're not in the in crowd. And that's... OK.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:27 PM
Friday, April 27
Zero's Friday Five
Aquamentis, Dodongo, Manhandla, Gleeok, Digdogger...
posted by: Zero @ 3:11 PM
Wednesday, April 25
The Phoenix
The great bird, old, wise, and beautiful,
Shifted its weight in the nest
As though hoping to be more comfortable
In the event to come.
It had already passed through the upcoming ordeal
Innumerable times
Yet still felt an interminable sense of worry
As the Big Day approached.
Perhaps this time, it would not happen...
Sure as the sun continues to set,
And to rise,
The nest of the creature burst into flames.
The dry tinder was awash with fire,
Which rapidly consumed the beast
As if it were, in itself, a hungry monster.
Long and fierce was the burning
Till naught was left but ashes.
A hot, tired breeze blew,
And swirls of dust skimmed along the ground.
For a few, hushed moments, the land was desolate.
then a great explosive sound rent the stillness
As a miniature of the immolated avian
Arose from the ashes of its fantastically cremated predecessor.
After shaking its dusty wings and gazing around with wise, aged eyes,
It hove a great sigh of both relief and resignation,
And flew off to catch a mid-day snack.
posted by: Bliss @ 10:38 PM
Monday, April 23
You live here?
I have a morbid curiosity to see how other people live and house hunting has been a great outlet for the domestic voyeur in me.
I cannot believe that people live this way. I cannot!
There are so many things I want to say to the people trying to sell the last two houses, but frankly... I have no words! None! The last house the guy was bragging about how he tore out a claw foot tub... And he was going to put in a standing shower. O.o
I fully expected to see a velvet Elvis hanging on the wall. There was a furnace in the kitchen... And oil burning furnace. in a food area. Oh. My. god.
There was an astonishing amount of crap in both the last two houses. The first of the two looks like the people have no real interest in actually selling the house. (They haven't cleaned it up to sell, nor fixed anything up, and are trying to sell it for 70,000 over it's current appraised value. It has been on the market, with no price drop for over 178 days.
The first two houses were empty, the 3rd one was full.. (Of ick... *shudder*) but the last one held a special treat... the owners actually home to "help" show thier house. There is nothing more attractive to a potential buyer than having the owner following you around trying to pitch this POS ramshackle "house" (I use the term rather fast and loose) and the older child not even leaving his room and tv... It was... Bizarre... Surreal, even.
They always say "don't go with the first house that you see"... But in this case, the first house we saw was a palace compared to what followed.
Wish us luck. We'll probably be making an offer.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:37 PM
Friday, April 20
Zero's Friday Five
This summer, if you're hot on movies, you'll have noticed that we're being treated to Die Hard 4, Spiderman 3, Harry Potter 5, Fantastic Four 2, (insert title here) (insert number larger than 1 here), and more. See? Movies, if they make money, multiply. Sequel after sequel hits the theatres and direct-to-DVD markets faster than you can complain that they raised the ticket prices at the Cinema 18 again. Video games are no different. The problem with all this rampant sequelitis is that eventually the plot holes grow so big, the scenarios so outlandish, that it all just becomes silly. For example, if this guy You-Know-Who is such an evil, sinister wizard with damn near god like powers, why does a pube-less boy keep getting the best of him? How is it that John McClane is always right there, smack in the middle of a massive terrorist plot, and is the only guy that can do anything about it? Can't we find tighter clothes for Jessica Alba?! I'm sorry, but as a movie-goer and game player that prefers a good story to a special effects laden lightshow, I demand better. Therefore, allow me to purpose new laws for the film and game industry where sequels are concerned.
1. Thou Shalt NOT Recast Roles - If the actor/actress who originated the role is unavailable, write the character out of the script. If you can't get your lead actor back, delay filming, or just don't make the damn movie. I know that flies in the face of making money, but it needs to be said. Val Kilmer doesn't look anything like Michael Keaton, and yet the guy that played Alfred didn't seem to notice the make-over. In the words of some 90's hip hop guy whose name I can't remember: FUNK DAT!
2. Thou Shalt NOT Deny Other Sequels Before You - This has only happened a few times. Someone makes an extremely sh***y sequel (Jaws 3, Highlander 2, et al), but the studio wants to flog a dead horse. How do we get around the damage done? Pretend it never happened!! Yes, that's right... and the resulting film isn't much better than the one they ignored. I mean, really... have ANY of the Highlander films been "good"? Was Jaws: The Revenge not completely retarded? Let's be fair. Once a bad sequel is made, kill the franchise. Let it die. No one wants to hear that one again.
3. Thou Shalt Recognize That The Film Is Not Called "RIPLEY" - What is with Fox and requiring Sigourney Weaver to be in every damn Alien film. No one cares about Ellen Ripley, okay. That feud is played out. Here's the thing, films like Alien, Die Hard, etc... don't require the same hero every time out. These movies are about the villains, plain and simple. So, let's have some more screen time for the scene chewing nasties, and leave the aging action heroes at home.
4. Thou Shalt Not Over-Explain - This is for the horror movie monsters out there. Do I give a ball about HOW it came to be that Jason Voorhees still isn't dead despite being drowned, blown-up twice, stabbed, shot, drawn-and-quartered, frozen, and decapitated? No, I do not. He, like his many peers are movie MONSTERS. No one, by now, believes that these are real people whose lives apply to real world laws. So, don't waste screen time explaining the 103rd resurrection. Rather, use that time for more of what your typical horror audience actually wants to see: blood and titties.
5. Thou Shalt Keep It Real, Yo - Here's what happens: Person A writes a great script which becomes a great film and makes a lot of money. But, Person A signed a contract that gives the movie studio IP rights. At the same time, Person B writes a craptastic, but similar script which becomes a craptastic, direct-to-DVD movie. So, to make more money, the movie studio takes the title of Person B's film and makes it a subtitle, adding the title of Person A's movie above it and popping a 2 in for good measure. This is not a real sequel. This is money-making ploy 101. It's crap and it needs to stop, if only because it spits in the face of Person A's original vision and talent. Poor bastard.
/end diatribe.
You are now free to move around the TKOP Part 2: The TKOPPING
posted by: Zero @ 12:45 AM
Wednesday, April 18
Important Moments, Thawed
He taunts me.
I really shouldn't be surprised by it,
anymore.
Three years with him should have caused me to realize
that he's naturally abusive to me.
That he's going to call me names
tease me
sometimes even push me around.
Still, though, I am frustrated.
Angry tears threaten,
and fall,
not yet having mastered the
mature skill of holding them back, brimming.
Silence at the table.
Dishwater splashes.
I plead with him to stop,
please stop yelling,
just leave me alone -
it doesn't happen.
I, for the first time, threaten:
"If you don't stop it, I'm going to hit you!"
Laughter, more teasing.
A nod from the silence.
Dishwater splashes.
It's over before I understand it.
My knee-high frame
looms
over his sprawled form;
his nose is bleeding -
I did that?
Frozen, forever,
just before he begins to wail,
the silence at the table
breaking into muffled chuckles,
the dishwater spilling into crouched concern,
my eyes fix on the floor next to his head -
there's an oblong rip in the brick-pattern linoleum.
It's the tiniest detail,
but will give me credence
In the future when,
disbelieving,
he scoffs, claiming no such thing ever happened.
A three year-old lay out her brother?
Impossibility!
But there's a nod above the dishwater,
and a chuckle from the table,
of remembrance
of permission to violence, granted.
posted by: Bliss @ 10:39 PM
Monday, April 16
How taxing.
I'm not sure if it's a relief or not that there's a 2 day reprieve for getting your taxes mailed in on time. Now those putting everything off till the last minute will have an extra 2,880 to work in. And there's no more extensions if you owe money. So you need to pony up the money, chum, or the irs will be sending in the muscle to take it from you.
Honestly, tax season is one of the higher stress times of the year, second only to Christmas. I mean, really, it's pretty close to the same idea. Spending good money on something that for the most part doesn't exsist.
I mean really, what else are you going to spend all that money on anyway? New pool? New furniture? Food? Pah. Food is for the weak. Besides, you were just going to waste it anyway.
One thing I can tell ya is have a couple kids. Helluva tax break there. Tell ya what, you can rent mine... If the price is right.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:02 PM
Friday, April 13
Zero's Friday Five
Skeeve, MisterK, Zero, The Cat, Muddseye.
posted by: Zero @ 2:48 AM
Monday, April 9
Christ has risen indeed.
And so has Zero. Welcome back to our favorite Zombies.
So, April is for plastic grass, and apparently house hunting. Many TKOPers seem to be in the market of late, and not one to be out of the "in thing" Bliss and I will be taking a peep at a new castle to move us all to!
We shall see. It would be nice to have a new place to live, and one that is entirely our own.
If you haven't tried it yet, take a peek at twitter. Fun stuff.
Ok, night time = bed time.
Be well!
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:33 PM
Friday, April 6
Zero's Good Friday Five
That's right, Catholics. Just like the savior, I'm back from the dead... and I don't want to see any friggin' eggs! So, make with the hiding. But, color them first, or else God will kill a kitten. And you don't want that. Do you? I didn't think so.
So, Zero's Friday Five: The Game has had an interesting run so far. What began as simple, obscure posts turned into crazy math and logic riddles, and then back into obscure posts. I hope you're all having some fun with them, regardless of what form they should take. This week, I'm taking a break from the games to go the more traditional route. Get ready for a list chock full of hookers and debauchery. It's time for the classic five. This week, in respect to the resurrection (mine, not that other guy's), I'm giving you a peek inside the ol' Zero brain and cluing you in to the top 5 things I would like to be reincarnated as... should such magic exist.
1. Dragon - Like, a real one from fake stories... or would it be a fake one from real stories? Either way, you know the ones I mean. Harry Potter fought one. Many of the TKOP gang play a game involving them and Dungeons of some kind. They breathe fire, most typically, but sometimes ice or poison, have giant reptilian wings, and bird like faces. Like the Golden Girls, but with more brawn... so, like the girls from Facts of Life.
2. Marijuana Plant - I wouldn't mind being the subject of hot political debate while simultaneously making people feel reallllllly good, and just a bit hungry. Dip me in fromaldehyde, I don't care. Whatever tweaks your melon.
3. Asian Hooker - And yes, Me love you long time.
4. Conger Eel - Because they're delicious. This is sort of the same motivation as being MJ. Basically, I like to think that I'll be tasty in future lives. There's nothing wrong with being tasty.
5. Skeeve's iPod - I could sing 80's songs all day and no one would ever be upset about it. Then, one day, I'll be replaced for no reason just because another thinner, sexier model was released. So... kinda like being a woman. Oooooooooh. Yeah, I said it.
And there you go. I wonder what are some things you'd like to come back as?
posted by: Zero @ 10:47 AM
Sunday, April 1
We'll miss you Zero
ZERO
1979-2007
posted by: Zung @ 11:08 AM
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