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Wednesday, November 29
Another random post from Zung
Did you know the British RAF commisioned wooden bombers during World War Two? Or that it's possible that the Early Middle Ages never happened and Charlemagne was a fictional character created by the church? Have you considered that picking your nose and eating boogers might build up your immune system? Have you ever considered a career in professional farting?
I spent most of my afternoon at work today, trolling through damninteresting.com, which was much more interesting than data entry. In fact, I'd say it was more interesting than any other website I've been to in recent memory.
The articles range from the amusing to the omfg I had no idea.
It brought me back to the days when I would lose myself in my father's TIME-LIFE book: "Mysteries of the Unexplained"
So if you have a few hours to kill, and your boss is looking the other way, enjoy!
posted by: Zung @ 9:14 PM
Monday, November 27
In rememberance:
Well, last week was a week of thanks, this week I'm gearing up for the emotional rollercoaster of remembering a friend.
Many of you who harken back to the "old days" remeber Sunshine. Some of the rest of you have probably read the posts in the Covered Mirror. For those of you who have not read that deeply, Sunshine was a good friend of many of us here at Kingdom named Suzanne Lyall and she disapeared several years ago.
Well, early last week Suzy's father Doug gave me a call to let me know that they are holding a service this upcoming weekend at a hotel in Albany. He asked that I pass the word.
So, the thunder of this blog is dedicated to our sunshine. We miss ya.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:05 PM
Friday, November 24
Zero's Friday Five
It might be Black Friday. It might be that you are all just getting back from shopping at stores where the scene was more LA Riot than Christmas joy and goodwill towards men. And if that's the case, then you are definitely ready to ease the pain (and the welts and bruises) with a healthy dose of the Friday Five. This week, I think it's important that we address something that has gotten underneath all our skins and has been affecting everything we do and say for a long time. We need to get this out in the open, people! You all know what I'm talking about, don't shrug your shoulders and pretend you don't know where this is going. Of course, I'm talking about... Christmas Programming. TNT Shows "A Christmas Story" for 24 hours straight, by God! They must be up to something. So, here's a list of the top 5 Christmas specials of all time and why you shouldn't watch them.
1. It's A Wonderful Life - Oh yeah. I went there. We're taking the gloves off and hitting Chris Kringle's Hollywood puppets where it hurts. If you've never seen this movie (how could you never have seen this movie?!), this is one man's story of financial ruin, attempted suicide, and the angel that gets his jollies off by mocking the guy by showing him what life in his town would be like had he never been born in the first place. Well, break out the wine glasses and snuggle up with your loved ones for that! I think Steven Colbert put it best when he painted the film as the story of a man who tries unsuccessfully to weasel out of paying back the money he owes until the townspeople all come together at the end to pay his debt for him... and that's Communism.
2. Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown - More hijinks from the Peanuts gang. The spirit of Christmas is alive and well as Schroeder beats up a puppy for dancing on his toy piano, Lucy breaks Charlie Brown's back with her tried and true football trick, and all the town kids forget to put on the Christmas Pageant they promised to instead help a bald retard decorate a twig. Sweet.
3. Silent Night, Deadly Night - While not exactly a Christmas special, this is a heartwarming film about a serial killer that dresses like Santa Claus and murders children in their sleep. Now, if you went shopping this morning and endured the Black Friday madness, or especially if you were working in a retail store this morning, you're probably in the perfect mood for this wonderful holiday picture. Enjoy!
4. A Christmas Story - The gingerbread sweet tale of a nerd that wants a gun for Christmas, and the lengths he'll go to in order to convince his parents to buy it for him. There has never been a Christmas movie that was more "American". Incidentally, The History Channel and Court TV often show the many spin-offs this movie inspired, starting with the Columbine High School Shootings and going on from there.
5. Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas - Finally, the end all, be all of horrid Christmas movies. Emmet lives with his mother in a run down shack in the poor section of town, where she barely affords to keep a roof over their heads by doing laundry in her old washtub for the town's rich people, and Emmet earns a bit on the side doing odd jobs around town with the help of his late father's tool box. Then, a talent competition in town promises the winner $50... and all Christmas hell breaks loose. Emmet puts a hole in his mom's washtub in order to make a bass guitar so he can play in a jugband, and Emmet's mom hocks the tool box to pay for a pretty dress to wear for her performance. They both lose, and have also both crippled their livelihood. And just when you think they'll be OK because the town's rich frog offers them both a job singing at his posh restaurant, he tells them that he can't afford to pay them, and it ends! It ends with mother and son broke, jobless, and completely effed. Merry Christmas, suckers!
Well, that should kick this season of joy off quite well, donyathink?!
posted by: Zero @ 9:13 AM
Wednesday, November 22
Tryptophan induced hallucinations
According to Wikipedia (which is known for it's truthiness)...
"...Turkey does contain tryptophan, which does have a documented sleep-inducing effect as it is readily converted into serotonin by the body. However, tryptophan is effective only when taken on its own as a free amino acid. Tryptophan in turkey is found as part of a protein, and, in small enough amounts, this mechanism seems unlikely.
A more-likely hypothesis is that the ingestion of large quantities of food, such as at a Thanksgiving feast, means that large quantities of both carbohydrates and branched-chain amino acids are consumed. Like carbohydrates, branched-chain amino acids require insulin to be transduced through the myocyte membranes, which, after a large meal, creates a competition among the amino acids and glucose for insulin, while simultaneously creating tryptophan's reduced competition with other amino acids for the Large Neutral Amino Acid Transporter protein for transduction across the blood-brain barrier."
Personally, my opinion is that people feign sleepiness to avoid interacting with their awful relatives. This will be my strategy this year, as I am spending Thanksgiving with my in-law's extended family.
What am I thankful for this year? Having black Friday off in addition to Thursday.
I'm not thankful for how busy my life has been, as it has limited my time to take care of personal things, like a steady webcomic.
Enjoy your overindulgence in food and drink, and travel safe this Thanksgiving.
posted by: Zung @ 4:36 PM
Monday, November 20
What do Turkeys really have to be thankful for?
I'm thankful for my friends.
I'm thankful for my little family.
I'm thankful for my car.
I'm thankful for my job.
I'm thankful for my carrer.
I'm thankful for sushi.
I'm thankful for my Mom and Dad.
I'm thankful for iced tea.
I'm thankful for feasts.
I'm thankful for tkop.com
I'm thankful for movies.
I'm thankful for Tandoori.
I'm thankful for BBC.
I'm thankful for DVD's.
I'm thankful for music.
I'm thankful for snow.
I'm thankful for toys.
I'm thankful for my servers.
I'm thankful for Irish Car Bombs. ; )
I'm thankful for my quilt.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for nakedness.
I'm thankful for thankfulness.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:46 PM
Friday, November 17
Zero's Friday Five
If you're a hardcore gamer, you know that the PS3 comes out today, you've known this for a long time, and you can't believe that the day has finally come. You're also not reading this because you've been standing in line for 4 days, calling in sick to work, waiting to not get your hands on one of the 4 or so units the store you're waiting in front of actually has to sell, that they already sold out to pre-orders. That's right, jerks. Pre-Orders. What a concept. The Nintendo Wii comes out on Sunday too... kind of like sloppy seconds to a manic Sony media blitz that will ultimately leave many gamers bidding upwards of 2,000 dollars for a shiny black piece of hardware, that at launch, has only 3 unique exclusive titles. I think 3. Maybe 2. Who cares? Seriously, I'm a game addict but, this fanboy system launch stuff is silly. They did it for the Xbox360. They did it for the PS3. They'll probably do it for the Xbox720 and PS4. It's just the nature of the beast. So what if you waited in line for days only to be turned away without your sexy new PS3? I've got some alternatives for you guys who won't be playing Sony's new beastly system this weekend. Yes... Yes, I do.
1. Kill Yourself - Seriously. People everywhere are playing Resistance: Fall of Man, right now. And you're not. And you never, ever will. In fact, I heard that the store had plenty of PS3's but, they turned you away specifically because nobody loves you, and Sony doesn't want someone like you mucking up their free online service with your stupid, ugly, anti-social, smelly, friendless crap. I think it's time you did what your parents have been crossing their fingers for since the day they brought you home from the hospital and drink bleach until your insides melt.
2. eBay - Sure, it'll cost you a couple thousand dollars, but if you have to have one NOW NOW NOW, it's your best bet. Besides, you're a hardcore gamer, right? Well, think of eBay's interface as a kind of leaderboard for a crazy video game about auctions. The highest score wins! Right? Well... Yeah, unless you PayPal your money to some goon who doesn't really have a PS3 to sell you, and then you're still empty handed AND missing two grand. Man, it's so awesome to be you (See #1)
3. Homoheterosexuality - Hit up craigslist for some M4M personal ads of straight guys looking to ease the of not having a PS3 with a hotel room man-orgy. It's happening in your area, and you can be part of the fun... you don't even have to wait in line, unless there's a daisychain. But, that's just part of the experience, baby!
4. "Retro" Game - Get your PS2 on. Final Fantasy XII just dropped, and you know how much you love those quirky SquareSoft RPG games. I mean, no one will think you're lame because you're still playing PS2 on PS3's launch day. No one at all (See #1).
5. Hookers - You know Zero loves hookers. If you've read the five at all, it's obvious. And the way I see it, you've got at least $600 that you didn't get to spend on a shiny new Playstation 3. So, instead, go out and buy yourself a shiny new prostitute... or a slightly used model if you want to save a few bucks for eBay (see #2). Just be aware that unlike Playstations, not all hookers are created equally. Some come with joysticks, others with downloadable files (almost all infected with some sort of virus), and still others with (or without) umm... well... teeth. Look, you're depressed (see #1), so you'll settle for anything and you'll like it, Mister.
...and that's it. Look at it this way, at least you're not dealing with the horrible lack of upscaling, forcing you to play your new "True HD" console in low-res (480p). At least, you're not spending an extra $100 on an HDMI or Component Cables because your new $600 "True HD" system comes with standard television composite cables. I mean, that's good right? Right?
Pay B3yond!
posted by: Zero @ 9:42 AM
Wednesday, November 15
Blog called on the account of sick.
So, Monday was washed out as I was caring for a sick Bliss, sorry about that. I don't know what happened to Zung last night, but it usually goes if I miss a Monday, Zung misses Tuesday. : ) It's like our little ritual.
I will have a blog for next week. I have been having a rather interesting life lately, so there will be fodder for posting.
Till then, we can always rely on Zero.
Right?
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:41 AM
Friday, November 10
Zero's Friday Five
You know, I'm not always here to be funny, or to try and be funny. I'm also here to help. That's why, with the holidays fast approaching, I'm going to provide you with the information you need to get that perfect picture every time shutterbug Aunt Mildred or your camera happy dad points a lens at you. No more humiliating or unpleasant pictures for you. With my help, you too can be more photogenic. Here's how:
Step 1
If you observe men and women standing naturally without ANY coaching, you'll notice there is a BIG difference between how they stand. Women naturally shift weight to one foot. Doing so angles the body slightly, tips the shoulders a little, and angles the head just a bit. This stance immediately adds dimension to any photo, it looks more interesting and natural.
Men on the other hand, we tend to face squarely into the camera with weight evenly distributed on both feet. We have all seen the results, pictures that look stiff, unnatural, and very plain looking.
Here is the solution.
If you are standing - turn slightly and rest your weight on one foot. It may FEEL goofy, but you WILL look better.
If you are sitting - angle to one side or the other.
Step 2
Lean slightly toward the camera - Leaning slightly toward the camera adds interest, dimension, and a natural look to a photo. Think of having a long neck like a gazelle, and tilt your chin down just a bit to avoid the appearance of a double chin and also to prevent the camera from getting a view right up your nostrils.
Step 3
Learn how to change your state - No, I don't mean if you live in Idaho you need to move to Oregon. Changing state means going from level 1 to level 5, or in other words, instead of looking like you were caught off guard, you look natural and like you are enjoying yourself.
Models are taught to change state by developing a 'trigger'. So when they are about to have their picture taken, even if they are in a crummy mood, they can go from level 1 to level 5 in a heart beat. Firing a trigger is a reminder to do the things that make you look good. Believe it or not, THE most successful trigger we found over the years was called the 'rear cheek squeeze'. It's really cool because it's inconspicuous. Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like; you squeeze the cheeks of your rear end together. Don't make fun of it until you try it. To see it's effectiveness try this experiment. Ask someone to sit on a chair and then ask them to squeeze their cheeks together. I have not met ONE person who doesn't immediately smile and say something like, okay, now what?
Step 4
Learn to 3/4 smile - People just don't like pictures of themselves with huge smiles. Smiling too big exposes gums and causes your eyes to turn into slits.
Step 5
Never look directly at the lens - ALWAYS, look slightly ABOVE the lens.
You are now free to be your sexiest all over the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 1:09 AM
Wednesday, November 8
Change is good
I can't bring myself to do a full on whack-job crazy liberal rant about the election. I tried, I really did. But my heart isn't into it. What I know for certain is that the Democrats have the next two years to really prove to their base that they can be a strong party again. Time will tell. I honestly believe that we ought to do away with partys, and let each canidate be judged by their own merits, values and philosophy.
But Washington is far away from here, and a little bit warmer. The weather has been changing as the season has nearly passed into Winter. The nights are cold and I find myself under layers of fleece and cotton. The holiday season is descending, I can almost smell the sizzling turkey skin and cranberries. Soup is popular in our house once again, and staying in to do nothing doesn't make me appear to be socially inept like it does in the summer.
The year is drawing to a close, and 2007 will soon be upon us. It's only a number, but I can't shake the feeling that even though it's the present, I feel like I'm in the future. Too many old sci-fi films using the 2000's as time settings will do that to your subconcious. I've got my mobile communication device (my model takes pictures and video), all my music is now stored in something the size of my hand, and my hovercar and robot... wait a second. Where the hell is my hovercar and robot?
Hey Democrats! I've got an agenda for you! Funding for hovercars and robots. And while you're at it, how about some more far out fictional ideas? Like national health care, energy independance or a woman in the oval office? Call me crazy, but while change is good, it's not always easy.
posted by: Zung @ 8:04 PM
Tuesday, November 7
Missed the boat, but not the train
I was going to make up for my not posting last night with a nice long blog about voting today, but you can thank a thrown drive on the mail server for me both not doing that and not being able to leave here at noon today.
So here ya go, short, sweet and to the freakin point.
Go vote.
Don't abandon your priveledge to vote, use it to tell the people who represent you how you feel. Vote as best you can. Read up on local and regional canidates and the processes that allow them to be elected.
For information on your polling place go here.
Rock the vote.
posted by: Skeeve @ 2:36 PM
Friday, November 3
Zero's Friday Five
Why is Wu-Tang Clan on VH1? Isn't that a little bit hardcore for the middle-aged daytime VH1 viewer? I mean, Wu-Tang isn't exactly I Love The 90's, you know? Bone Thugs N' Harmony too? I thought they broke up? This must be some old rerun or something. Oh well. I'm home today. No work for me, suckas. And as you can tell, I'm sitting in front of the TV. I need to stop doing that. Maybe after I get done writing the five, I'll switch off the tube and get on with my day. Now...
...What are some things I can do with my day off? Eh. I'll figure it out. Rubbing a day off in the faces of my fellow TKOPpers who might be reading the Five from work is not what the Five is about. Instead, allow me to help you get a day off of your own. This week, five sure fire ways to get a day off from work (and in some cases, more than a day).
1. "What's A Nubian?" - Ever see Chasing Amy? That scene in the beginning where Jason Lee is at the comics convention panel about minority characters in comic books? Well, take a page from Kevin Smith and either in conversation with your boss, immediately after a phone call, or directly in the face of a customer... pick your moment carefully... and scream, "Black RAGE!" and then throw something, hit someone, or pull a gun. Later, you can tell HR that you've been under a lot of stress lately, and you're seeking professional help (in the form of violent video games, frequent strip club visits, and drinking). They'll be thrilled to give you a day off, maybe even paid leave. Try it. You can thank me later.
2. Golf - This isn't actually funny. Just say you have a meeting and you're taking in on the golf course... I don't know why this is acceptable in the modern office space, but it is. And it's discriminatory against people who suck at swinging sticks at little white balls while wearing funny pants.
3. Happy Birthday (Suit) - Streak through your office. Simple. Done. Then look to #1 for what you tell HR.
4. Cough, Cough - Nothing gets you a free trip home on a work day than getting sick at work. The thing is, you might work for a real son-of-a-***** who says things like, "tough it out". No little stomach bug or headache is going to phase this guy. So, drink a shot of eyedrops, or castor oil, or whatever... and then go barf directly on the guy. After, say something like, "Oh, I'm so sorry... My AIDS is acting up." He'll send you home. And you'll have the rest of the day to play that new Playstation 3 you were "lucky" enough to get off eBay for $2000.
5. AWKWARD!!!!! - Pee on yourself. It's embarrassing, sure. But, you can say you've been having control issues because of some ED medicine your doctor recently put you on, and it's having strange reactions with that other stuff you've been using for your ass warts. Honestly, you're more concerned that peeing on yourself kinda turns you on ever since the man you're cheating on your wife with introduced you to scat and watersports. Oh, you'll have the day off for sure. Just keep making it more uncomfortable until they send you home just so you'll stop talking.
Anywho, go get your day off. Let's have a TKOP "We Should Be Working" meet. And, dammit, if you haven't done it yet, check out the new CHAT. It's right over there on your LEFT. And I promise, I don't say crazy stuff like this in there. Much...
...Of course, I promise nothing.
* I want to point out that the spellchecker on blogger wanted to change "watersports" to "addressable"
posted by: Zero @ 2:24 PM
Thursday, November 2
chat??
There has been some discussion on the board about TKOP's chat client, especially in light of the recent involuntary downtime that we had (fixed through the quick and decisive action of Blaarg and Skeeve! Huzzah!) - but there are way, WAY more users registered on the board than show up there.
I have come to the conclusion that this can only be because, somehow, you have not yet navigated there and experience the full-on AWEsome that is TKOP chat.
In the sidebar on the left (Left would be <--------- thataway, guys), you will see a link for Chat. Click that link, and it will take you to the web interface for TKOP chat. You can also connect through your IRC client of choice, using the server irc.tkop.com at port 6042. If you do use an IRC client other than the web interface, you'll want to /join #tkop to get to where the fun is at.
Skeeve, Wildfire, Blaarg (and his trusty sidekick, miniblaarg!), Catt, KaTil, and Unl33t are among the most regularly present folk, and particularly lately you'll find me there as well, abus- er, bending to my wil- ah.... playing with miniblaarg. Why him? Well, see, he's a bot. You can teach him to do or say things in response to certain single word instructions, and he's a grand slice of fun. Don't think a bot can be cool? Think I'm full of crud? You're wrong, I'm full of baby!
So go to the TKOP chat; say hi to the folk, and then play a little with miniblaarg. For starters, I suggest:
quote??
cookie??
mib??
game??
and the name of any one of the channel regulars - but it doesn't stop there. Explore. Enjoy.
And don't forget the coffee?? .
posted by: Bliss @ 7:43 PM
Wednesday, November 1
The Halloween that wasn't
We did not get a single trick or treater. Not a one.
Our porch light was on, we live in a populated safe village, it was a beautiful night. But where were all the children? I kept my devil horns on all night, waiting by the candy bowl, ready to hand out treats to children dressed up like I once did when I was young. But our doorbell was silent.
In the morning when we left for work, I at least expected to see signs of egging, toilet papering or shaving cream littering the streets of Waterford. But that was missing too.
It was like some strange made for TV movie where a holiday disappeared because some kid made a bad wish or something stupid like that. It was like Halloween never happened.
Is this just part of the trend of our American traditions being eroding away by consumerism and apathy? Are we further isolating ourselves and losing our sense of community? If we don't practice our traditions, how will our children know how to keep them going after we're gone? My parents told me that people used to go caroling at Christmas time, I have never seen or heard carolers except in movies.
I fear that when I have a child, and we take him or her around to neighborhood houses, and ring the bell on October 31st, that we'll just get stupid looks. But if we don't get any candy, at least we can still teach our child to egg their f*#%ing houses.
posted by: Zung @ 7:57 PM
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