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Wednesday, August 30
Oh my arse!
Um, yeah. I was abducted by aliens.
That's what I'm calling women these days. Sorry ladies. Your kind is so strange to me all of a sudden.
Last night I got dragged to a Bridal Shower thrown by Kate's co-workers. It was a joint bridal shower, and there was another bride to be and an unlucky groom that was forced to come. I seriously could have done without it. I believe it was just a ploy so all her co-workers could meet me. Hi, I'm quiet and chubby, and you're all burnt out lushes. Nice to have met you all.
A woman asked what color I was wearing to the wedding. I replied "Black. I'll be in mourning."
As much as a feminist as I try to be, the closer I've gotten to this wedding (and technically, to my marriage as well) the more women have been acting like the crazy stereotypes we chauvenistic men make them out to be. It's surreal. I hope it ends after all this hoopla, or I fear I will end up on a recliner with a six pack of beer calling someone meathead.
So no comic this week. I tried, but there is so much going on for the big day (which is a little over two weeks away), that I don't have the time or the sanity. The next two Tuesdays don't looks so good either.
Anyone want to do a guest strip?
posted by: Zung @ 11:47 PM
Zung eaten by aliens.
News at 11.
Seriously tho, Zung has much to do in the next couple weeks with his impending joining (Alien anal probing might be perferable...), so the comic will be posted later today.
We are also still in need of a guest blog/rant for tomorrow if anyone would care to do one.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:08 AM
Tuesday, August 29
It's not Monday.
And I still got nothing.
Or perhaps I have too much.
Nothing I really wanna bring up, really tho.
Seems to be an epidemic around here of late.
Unlike some other bloggers, however I am not going to make up some rather disgusting "facts" about other members of TKOP. I'll tell you in all sincerity that Zero love to nurse from my beer boobs. He's here every weekend just a sucking away.
There. Just try to get rid of that mental picture, I dare ya.
; )
posted by: Skeeve @ 12:00 AM
Friday, August 25
Zero's Friday Five
I've got nothing this week. I really don't. I'm sitting here, Safari tuned to Blogger, Peaches is Rocking The Shocker all over my iTunes, and I'm just blank. Maybe it's too early. Maybe I don't do enough interesting stuff these days. Whichever the case, my mind is a dull void, an vast emptiness where nothing and no one can count to five. What do to? Phone it in, do something lame? No, I don't think so. That would be embarrassing for me and insulting to you. Post this, and nothing else, and hope that something comes to me before the end of the day to update with? Nah, I'm not into placeholders, and if the idea comes to me too late in the day we'll end up calling it Zero's Saturday Five, and that just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Rings... Peaches... Embarrassing...
By George, I think I've got it! I present to you the top five most embarrassing things I and your fellow TKOP citizens don't want you to know about.
1. Skeeve wore a special man-bra that allowed him to breast feed his all powerful heir. He still uses it now, but fills it with beer when he watches football. Something about sucking delicious beer out of his own teat pleases him. Go figure. I should also point out that he wears a diaper, but that's for other reasons. Bliss, needless to say, is a very unhappy camper these days.
2. I used to make digital home movies of myself getting my "self pleasure" on and I sent them to friends of mine without warning. It is doubtless that they ended up on the internet somewhere, so you may stumble across them at some point (we all know that you only use your computer for WoW, TKOP, and porn). Now, this was a few years ago, so I was skinnier. I also always wore a big chicken mask (and nothing else) and made clucking noises throughout. It was my way of being sexual and punny all at once. But, the trademark? The guarantee that you've found an official Zero naughty video? At the moment of climax I dubbed Billy Idol's "White Wedding" over the soundtrack. Happy hunting, pervs.
3. Zung keeps a peach nestled between his butt cheeks when he draws, paints, etc. He says it helps him get in touch with his "Inner Picasso".
4. SarahMason17, our newest member, is actually the ringleader of a Pokemon worshipping cult. She and her followers dress up like their favorite Pocket Monster and run around the streets of Saratoga humping unsuspecting people's legs, and then retire back to her house to drink poison kool-aid. The rub? The kool-aid is poisoned with sea salt, which we all know will kill Pokemon, but not people. You'll never transcend this Earthly domain drinking salty kool-aid, Ms. Mason. Pika, pika, pikachu!
5. Ronin has a lifesize doll of John Kerry that he sleeps with, not in a naughty way, just for the companionship. It's the only way he can get to sleep at night.
This is, of course, complete nonsense.
You are now free to slap your mama all around the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 7:53 AM
Thursday, August 24
A guest blog from Evil_KATil!
As a few of you might know I was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis. Gastroparesis (gastric = stomach; paresis = paralysis) literally just means stomach paralysis. It is a condition in which the stomach muscle becomes slow and weakened.. or sometimes it just seems not to work at all. Since the symtoms started they have worsened in to extreme to moderate pain in the stomach area and I have been dealing with mild to moderate nausea. Fortunatley I have an expert doctor that specializes in my illness that has been treating me and so far the medicine that I have been prescribed seems to help a bit although it is still not a cure as there is no cure for gastroparesis. Needless to say that this illness has not been fun at all.
I would like to tell all of you of the top three mess ups from my health care plan since I was diagnosed. I recieve these little letters in my mailbox about once a week with some random diagnosis on it from my insurance company and the hospital that has been treating me and for the most part they seem somewhat consistant. Apparently their computer system seems to be having problems with getting my diagnosis right.
3. You have been diagnosed with acid reflux syndrome... I'm not really sure how the heck they decided that the doctors findings concluded that I had acid reflux disease but perhaps they though that the pain in my stomach was heartburn??
2. You have been diagnosed with stomach ulcers... Not even close... I had an uper-endescopy that showed no leasions that would even be close to be considered an ulcer.
1. You are going through menopause and we would like to do a study on you... Huh? But I'm only 26 years old and fairly certain that I'm not going through menopause... Not even sure how their wonky system came up with that.... I thought only middle aged women went through menopause...
You are now free to get the wrong diagnosis around the tkop.
posted by: The Peanut Gallery @ 1:34 PM
Wednesday, August 23
Imagine
I've got nothing.
Whatever work hasn't sucked out of me, coming home and dealing with stupid wedding bullcrap finishes it off.
Meanwhile, in a parallel universe...
Bush likes Lennon (video)
posted by: Zung @ 9:49 PM
Tuesday, August 22
A message from the computer
My strip has been hijacked.
What ever the computer wants, I must please him and do as he says!
Here it is
posted by: Zung @ 10:32 PM
Monday, August 21
Eh? Can ya speak up sonny? I'm a might bit deaf!
So, aside from hurting like a motherlover, midear infections also cause this thing called "hearing loss"
It's not likely to be permanent by anymeans, but I tell you I have alot more respect for the hearing impared.
This past week has been me repeating "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" over and over to people, and trying to keep people I'm talking to to my right.
The left ear thing is not my friend at the moment.
It feels constantly stuffed. Like there's a 4 pound canary in my ear canal, just sitting there. At least the ooze has gone away, having to walk around with cotton or a tissue in the ear was even more embarassing. (The tissue especially. They're not very discrete.)
I'm still on the 2 Anti-biotics until Wednesday, and then I'll be on just the drops for a few more days. I'm trying to ween myself off the pain killers now, but this is still one of the toughest pains I've ever had in my life. A friend of mine who has had ear infections and babies has told me she'd much rather have another kid than another ear infection in her life.
Well, the meds are kicking in again, and I should go lay down. If I fall asleep standing up again this time I might fall on the cat.
posted by: Skeeve @ 8:48 PM
Friday, August 18
Zero's Friday Five
Shake yo' groove thang, it's yet another edition of Zero's Friday Five!
Tomorrow is the ghetto-fabulous TKOP meet at Zung's House. Who's House? Zung's House. Unfortunately, work and some prior engagements are preventing Ghost and I from attending. I know you're all bummed. Hell, some of you might just not go now. I mean, it's no secret, we're totally the best ones. I keeeeed. I keeeed. Even though I won't be there, I can still help you survive the festivities with your dignity and clothes intact. Here are my top five tricks to surviving a TKOP meet.
1. The "Wipeout" Rule* - It's become something of a tradition, as prior TKOP meets have also featured the inevitable time of night when Zung will grab the salad spoons directly from the bowl of uneaten ruffage, turn to Eyeball with that special look, and before you know it our resident blogger and comic artist is drumming some Beach Boys on the all seeing Eye's bare buttocks. It's actually quite revolting. The wet salad spoons flinging pieces of lettuce and drops of vinaigrette all over the place, the cold thuk! thuk! thuk! of wood on naked jiggily tush; For TKOP meet virgins it might be too much. So, when you see Zung make a mad dash for the salad bowl, look the other way.
2. The "Girlfriend" Rule** - Know who's taken and who's not before you go staring. Leering at Evil_KATil too long might get you scratched up by The Cat, and pinching Bliss' bottom could get you expelled from the kingdom on the tip of Skeeve's steel toed boots. I know they're foxy, all the ladies of TKOP are, but have some sense for crying out loud. Ladies, this rule does not apply in reverse. Lear at the guys all you want. Their women will not get jealous. No one knows why this is so, but I think they all think they can do better than us. While that might be true, you'll miss our Star Wars/Star Trek debates and humor when we're gone, ladies. You'll wake up in the middle of the night longing to hear the sounds of an all night D&D game going on in the next room. But, I digress. I don't want to get carried away.
3. The "Zero" Rule# - That kid smells like old soup. Avoid at all costs and do not feed.
4. The "Bacon Cake" Rule## - There will most likely be a bacon cake or bacon pie at a TKOP meet. Be sure not to underestimate or taunt the bacon cake. It will hurt you. Many TKOP citizens have lost years from their lives messing around with bacon cake. Bacon cake must only be approached by trained professionals, and only after consulting a physician.
5. The "Transfer Station Blue" Rule*** - Every TKOP meet from way back in the late 90's until now has had a protest. About a dozen or so people, dressed head to toe in blue (like giant smurfs) will eventually show up carrying signs with colorful messages on them ranging from "TKOP sucks!" to "God hates Nerds" to "My Pet Peeve is Skeeve" (and my personal favorite, the ever popular "SysOp 3:16"), etc. etc. These are the left over and extremely sensitive fanboys of defunct BBS Transfer Station Blue. They are fanatical, and believed to be armed, so do not approach or acknowledge them. If you leave them alone, they will stay across the street, march and chant (I think their last one was something like, "1, 2, 3, Fraud, We just want 300 Baud! 5, 6, 7, 8 ANSI boards are friggin' great!" or something like that).
And there you have it. Go prepared and have a damned good time. I'll catch you at the next one.
* this is, of course, totally not true. there is never salad at a TKOP meet!
** this rule does not apply to celebrities, male models, guys that are bigger than we are, or (in the case of IsisUptown), guys dressed up like The Grimace.
# old soup can actually smell rather nice.
## "bacon cake" is a registered trademark of TKOP Foods Inc.
*** you should've been there when CowLand protested us. it was just one sad looking kid dressed up like a cow with a sign that said, "cowland is better, thank you!". he just stood there for an hour and then this woman whom I can only assume was his mother came over and slapped the crap out of him. beat him with his own sign. i think i heard him cry as he ran back to his parents' basement. so sad.
posted by: Zero @ 9:40 AM
Thursday, August 17
Thursday is Guest Sp'getti day!
Well I'm on my way, I don't know where I'm goin'...
So I had a piece previously written for Thursday's blog. I was rather fond of it too; it was about trying to keep my head above water while down here in 'Sippi, missing my friends, and it had a touch of eloquence and an unabashed love of The Weepies in it. Then I got booted out of Mississippi entirely. So you know what?
Screw eloquence.
I'm on my way back to NY.
You want the details, eh? Well I went on in scrupulous detail in my livejournal and have talked about it ad nauseum to anyone who would listen. So I'll give you the Lips' Notes version:
My housing at the college I was staying at decided to arbitrarily charge me more than I can afford to pay on my stipend, which had not been the original agreement when I moved down here. No one at AmeriCorps would intervene/negotiate on my behalf, and I got muscled out of a place to live.
That, along with many other gripes about my position here and just issues in general, made me decide you know what? I can't help people in poverty when I'm miserable. I just end up resenting them for at least being able to get a second job. And that's not a terribly cheerful attitude to take, y'dig?
So I'm on my way back home. It's like the last song on the Garden State Soundtrack really. Yeah I'm a High Fidelity-type thinker. I'm constantly thinking in terms of what lyric would best describe my life. It was previously "Hangaround" by Counting Crows. Or possibly even "Sh*t Town" by Live. Both describe being stuck in a hole and needing to leave. Now it's "Winding Road" by Bonnie Summerville:
And it's a winding road/I've been walking for a long time/I still don't know/where it goes.
And it's a long way home/I've been searching for a long time/I still have hope/I'm gonna find my way home.
I really don't want to feel like I've failed at yet another thing. I never quite forgave myself for quitting Law School, although in truth I know it was the right decision. This probably is the right decision as well, though I didn't have nearly as much choice in the outcome: homeless, or totally broke and at wit's end in misery, or move back to New York. Not great choices. Except that I have the comfort of coming back to people I love, places I like, and heat that isn't constantly in the 90's with stuck-inside-a-microwave humidity levels. And I've learned a lot from this bloody trip, even if the ending was not so satisfactory. Perhaps The Grateful Dead are a better way to look at it: What a long, strange trip it's been.
Who knew I'd travel with my ex-boyfriend (Jason) from Albany to Jackson, Missifrigginsippi in a mini-van, work with AmeriCorps, live in a college dorm (something I never got to do in undergrad), learn to actually enjoy some things about the Deep South (food, some of the people, culture, The Jackson Free Press, the music (NOT country!!!).
And who knew I'd come to the heart of the blues and end up deciding to convert to Judaism and befriending people of alternative religions like Buddhism, and befriending transgendered individuals? In MISSISIPPI!!! It took me coming to the place where the KKK was born, and there are still sections of the railroad tracks where you can see the color and class line drastically change, to connect with parts of myself that had been lacking while I was in New York. Parts of myself I was pleasantly surprised to find existed.
But now I'm getting booted out, and there is the bad taste in my mouth of not just defeat, but defusement at all that I've learned and done down here. I know I made the right decision. The conversation with my boss yesterday cemented that feeling. It was one of those conversations where both people talk the entire time with their teeth clenched. Yeah, it was like that.
It doesn't change the one-two punch of being down for the count. It doesn't change that I will not ever look back on this and not say to myself like a Weepie:
So I stumble home at night/ like I've stumbled through my life/ with ghosts and visions in my sight/We are always living in twilight.
However: melancholy and defeatism aside: I'll be coming home soon y'all. Break out the beer, the guitar, and the chocolate ;)
Lippy's en route to Illium once more.
posted by: The Peanut Gallery @ 11:20 PM
Wednesday, August 16
I said WHO'S house?
ZUNG'S house!
and it's a BRICK... Hooooouse. It's mighty mighty. We're gonna let it all hang out.
I asked the bartender what time it was, he said theclockonthewallsays 3 o'clock
Saturday night's all right for fightin', Saturday night's all right!
um... I don't know any songs that have "Please bring a drink, bag of chips or dish"
or one that has my address in it for that matter. Oh well. I tried.
Check out this thread for more info on the 2006 TKOP Meet.
posted by: Zung @ 11:59 PM
Tuesday, August 15
TKOP Meet at Zung's
Hey, read all about the TKOP meet being at my place here.
And read a little more about it in the new comic... here (sorry, no time to make a thumbnail this week)
posted by: Zung @ 11:05 PM
Monday, August 14
Not how I wanted to spend my weekend...
On Saturday we get the big idea to go out to breakfast and then do some shopping for the house and get hair cuts. Breakfast was great. Shopping was fun, right up until I mashed my pinkie toe on my left foot so hard against the cart wheel cage that it started to bleed from the nail bed. I doubled up and hissed in pain for a few minutes (Ever aware of the line behind me still trying to unload the cart onto the belt) while Bliss stands there holding the tiny emporer thinking I've bashed myself in my baby making equipment. When at last I could catch my breath, I looked at the offending toe that just attempted to suceed from my union and I could wiggle it and even tho the pain was great it was fading off fast, so I decided to watch it for a day or so. (Even still I called my buddy to cancel our walk through the plotterkill the next day.)
We got home, put the kiddo down for a nap, and decided that now that I was not walking on Sunday we could get our haircuts then, and we should stay in, play WoW and hang out, and perhaps get a pizza. So we did.
Just about bedtime, at like 11 pm my left ear starts hurting badly. Inside... I've seen these in action before, my brother had horrible earaches when he was a kid. This one is the worst I've ever had. A good spot of pain and lots of pressure. I can't sleep, so i lay there, tossing and turning. I get up and play solitare, drowsily... I read some online sites for advice on earaches. I find out that I most likely have an Otitis Media (mid ear infection). And it's getting worse. I take both tylenol and motrin to work on the pain and take a hot as I can stand shower for the steam and heat to hopefully open my eustation tubes and relive the pressure. It doesn't. I then went downstairs to the couch and tried to distract myself with TV... Have you ever watched TV at 5 am on a Sunday? My advice to you is "Don't". The girls gone wild infomertials are about the best things on. I kid you not. Oh... And VH1 and MTV are playing actual videos then. So at 7 am I'm so tired I just wannt lay down. I crawl into bed with bliss and lay there in agony for a few minutes. It's getting hotter and more and more painful till I hear *POP!* and then *ooze* from my left ear. My eardrum ruptured. Well, the pain was still there, the pressure too and now my ear was leaking pink goo, so it's off to the ER for us! (whee) Where I spend nearly 4 and half hours waiting. (I knew what it was, I knew how to treat it, most of the time was spent waiting for the pharmacy.) They dosed me with Percoset but it took more than an hour to kick in, so I asked for morphine. (Which came just as the Percs really numbed the area... So I refused it)
So, I get to follow up with a ENT specialist this week... (Wednesday or Thursday) and I'm not supposed to drive under the influence of my pain killers. (Wheee) but, the good news is..
Bliss and I are pregnant again. ; )
So, there's your payoff for listening to me gripe for a page or so.
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:12 PM
Friday, August 11
Zero's Friday Five
Work has been a zoo all week. I feel overwhelmed and over-worked and my patience is wearing thin. So, of course, I'm super happy to be doing this week's Friday Five today. Why? Because it's fun, dammit! Which one of you asked that question? Slap in the face for you! On a completely different note, does anyone on the TKOP care that football is starting up? I'm psyched. I'm a huge fan. And since it's the only sport I really get into, I'm going to do a Friday Five about it. But, since I'm not sure many TKOPpers are into it, I'm going to cross it with something that has a little more relevance. So, this week, I present The Top Five Star Trek Characters Who Would Make Good Football Players.
1. Worf - This is a no-brainer. Worf would make an excellent offensive linesman. Those are the guys that line up in front of the quarterback and protect him from getting smothered by the other team the second he gets his hands on the ball. Klingons in general would be excellent for this position. It's not hard to picture Worf, with his anus shaped noggin stuffed into a helmet, tearing the arms (literally) off the opposing team's defensive line, and coming back for more. But, chalk him up for an injury late in the season, when his team plays against the Colts, who have used their insane amounts of money to draft Kayliss. Has there ever been a batlith battle on a gridiron? Our hometown Giants have crap for an offensive line, so let's put Worf with them.
2. Khan - His genetically engineered and superior body and mind give him a tactical advantage that other players won't have. So, Khan would make a crazy good field commander... erm... quarterback. I picture Kirk as the opposing team's coach, screaming on the sidelines, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" It would echo if they played in a dome, so let's draft Khan to the Vikings.
3. Spock - He's very logical, so he probably wouldn't understand why people would want to play this ultimately needless, and sometimes silly game. But, all the same, his logic and ability to think on the fly would make him an excellent running back. Those are the guys that the quarterback hands the ball to and they just run through everybody. Spock's keen intellect would allow him to suss out the best place to run in order to break through the pack and find the open lane for touchdown after touchdown. I know he's not the biggest guy, but never underestimate a green-blooded vulcan, even if they do get a bad rap for being pompous jerkoffs. After last year's very public fallout with pompous jerkoff Terrell Owens, the Philadelphia Eagles need someone new to fill their pompous jerkoff opening. So, Spock, beam yourself up to Eagles camp.
4. Data - I never understood why Data was lightning fast just because he was a robot. Surely, his body had physical limitations based on it's construction, but apparently not. We've seen him put all the chips back into the mainframe computer in under 5 seconds. We've seen him as the fastest draw in the Old West. Now, it's time to see him as the fastest Wide Receiver in the NFL. Not only will people not be able to catch him, but I'd pay money to see the man capable of tackling an android. Just have Data run down the field, throw him the ball, he'll always catch it, and he'll always score. It's practically cheating. Speaking of cheating, the Rams are the dirtiest team in the league. Hey Data, go suit up for the Rams!
*** This is tough... so many characters, so few slots. I want to pull someone from DS9, Voyager, or Enterprise, but I just don't think it's going to happen. Nothing against Sisko, Janeway and Archer's crew and enemies, but this last one is just to good to pass up.
5. Wesley Crusher - Oh my god, little Wesley Crusher would get his %$# kicked all over the field. It would be hilarious watching him try to be tough, and then ultimately running the wrong way, screaming for his life. I mean, yeah, he might have eventually learned to bend time and space and become a crazy powerful traveler, but for 7 years Trek fans knew him as the wuss that saved the Enterprise from a XXX video game, and the dumbass who killed one of his academy friends while flying under the influence (of Cadet Nicholas Lacarno!). Think how useless and comical he'd be in any position on the field. I'm not even sure he'd make a proper kicker. So, Wesley, suit up in your best sweat pants and grab a team jacket. You are officially the Oakland Raiders' new towel boy.
John Madden, beam me up!
posted by: Zero @ 9:08 AM
Thursday, August 10
Thursday Guest Blog from Ace (Not Diamonds)
So here i am in the office and I'm told that there's a possible job that
i can apply to. Incredulous i ask what the details are and here's how
the conversation breaks down:
Ace: So, what's the deal with this job?
Boss: It's regular hours, with more customer facing time, and more
responsibility
Ace: Oh, so it's a promotion?
Boss: No, it's not.
Ace: So then there's a pay raise?
Boss: No, there's not.
Ace: Would it be possible to have the details of the job?
Boss: What would you like to know?
Ace: The duties of this job?!?
Boss: Ask me any question you'd like about this job?
Ace: What are the duties of this job?
Boss: Well it's kinda like what you do now, but with fixed hours and
more customer facing time.
Ace: Is this a supervisory role?
Boss: No, just an additional layer between your teammates and the customer
Ace: So, is that it? Additional responsibilities, more "customer facing
time" and no more money?
Boss: No, not exactly
Ace: So what is it exactly?
Boss: Ask me any question you'd like about this job.
Ace: What are the duties and responsibilities of this job?
Boss: What questions do you have about the job?
At this point, i stated that I'm going to think about the questions and
email them later. Upon retrospect it came to me that if he wasn't
forthcoming about the details of the job, then maybe i shouldn't apply.
If there's something that he's not telling me, then it's gotta be pretty
bad. After writing this conversation down it occurred to me that I've
seen it before, let me know if you recognize it.
Boss: Do you like baseball?
Ace: I love baseball!
Boss: Ask me any question about my team and ill be i can tell you every
stat.
Ace: Okay, tell me who's on first
Boss: So, you know my team huh? I'll bet you don't know the name of the
player on third?
Ace: I don't know!
Boss: You must be a BIG fan to know that!!!
So, you can imagine my perplexed look on my face while this conversation
took place. I felt like i was in black and white and waiting for the
Three Stooges to come in to start painting. Needless to say i still
haven't sent the questions, and unless Rod Sterling comes out to explain
what dimension I've been inexplicably transported to, I'm not applying
for the job either.
Trying to come back from the Twilight Zone,
Ace (not Diamonds)
posted by: The Peanut Gallery @ 9:14 AM
Wednesday, August 9
Summer colds
What started as a little tickle in the throat after a night of inhaling campfire smoke, has reared it's ugly head and taken my body hostage. I took Tuesday off as a premptive measure, hoping that my body could rest and fight off the viral evildoers. People kept saying to me: "Summer colds are the worst." Funny, I just figured running over a child with you car, or perhaps a asteroid impact would be up at the top of "the worst", not a silly summer cold.
Well, it seems that they were right. By golly if I could smack a tweenie with my neon, I think that it'd put my sickness in perspective for me. Oh, and I took the wrong day off. Having to work today was brutal. Much worse than an asteroid impact. I fear tomorrow will only be worse. Like, genocide worse.
But seriously, I feel craptacular. And if anyone you know has this monster of a chest cold, stay away from them. Far away. Don't catch the black death! Save yourself before it's too late! There's no more room left in hell!
I even think I'm craving a bit of brain...
posted by: Zung @ 9:38 PM
Tuesday, August 8
Where our hero's artist is sick...
Bleh. I've got a chest cold thingy.
So, it's late, and no word balloons.
Enjoy. *cough* *hack*
posted by: Zung @ 11:59 PM
Monday, August 7
Long live the regime.
Welcome, boys and girls to the new TKOP front page regime.
In the cracked Zero summary you have roughly the crux of the new layout. Yes, we're trying to keep the front page fresh on a daily basis now. So, we shall have creullers for all!
Um... And by that I mean... Daily front page goodness.
Yeah.
So, the new line up, which was supposed to start this week, but Zung kicked off a little early, totally taking advantage of my weaked state to begin the new regime, will be:
Monday: Me! More of my bloggy goodness... I dunno. It's never the same twice. Sometimes it's sappy emotional drivel, occasionally it's somewhat witty patter and sometimes it's just a one paragraph excuse! Whatever it is you will read it! For I'm the one with the blog here! Ha!
Tuesday: It's Zungadan for real! Comic gifty goodness from our mad websmithy himself. Um.. You know he never was good with names.
Wednesday: Zung's Blog! (Cause you know he's got something to say!)
Thursday: The *guest* blog! The chance for the common TKOP'er to have thier say! Just email Skeeve for more info!
Friday: THE draw of the TKOP front page, our crown jewel, as it were! Zero's Friday Five. Often imitated, never duplicated.
So, now you know the plan... So, I'm going to go and show the plan to... Someone else... Yeah.
posted by: Skeeve @ 9:56 PM
Friday, August 4
Zero's Friday Five
There were five blogs this week! Did anyone notice? Is this a new trend? Inquiring minds want to know. Inquiring minds also want to read reviews, so they know which blogs to read and which ones to skip, AND since there are FIVE blogs, that means I can safely do a Friday Five in said vein. So, waste no time... on with the reviews!
1. Monday, Skeeve's Bloggery - Skeeve has said numerous times that he is not the King of TKOP, but that doesn't change the fact that he could boot my butt out of here faster than fat people can scarf down everything at the Sizzler buffet if I mess with him. So, yeah... Skeeve is awesome. His blog is awesome. Please don't kill me. (55 out of 55 ham sandwiches)
2. Tuesday, Zung's Webcomic - Installment after installment of Zung's fledgling webcomic features a UFO piloted by an unseen gentleman and his sly, somewhat jerky computer heading toward dinosaur inhabited Earth. Only, by the time they actually arrive, the dino's are dead and gone and people-types roam the once wild plains. Good times, to be sure, but Zung needs to vary up the art a little in future installments unless he wants his core readership to be made up solely of sombrero enthusiasts. (16 out of 18 water balloons).
3. Wednesday, Zung's Bloggery - Zung writes a normal blog too, and for a time, he tried to rip off my format (with my blessing, of course) and do his own Lucky Seven. The man's getting married. He's settling down. He wants to buy his own private island. In a way, it's a lot like Skeeve's blog from several years ago, but with a decidely Zung-esque twist. Personally, I enjoy Zung's blog the most if I read it naked while eating a baconcake. (23 out of 27 oil filters).
4. Thursday, Bliss' Bloggery - Bliss blogged! Hell yeah! And apparently, her theme is focused on etiquette, and how not to be a complete jerkwad. I think it's highly educational. For example, I wasn't aware that when one sees an ambulance coming, that one shouldn't attempt to block its path for as long as possible... or throw rocks at it... or shoot it with paintballs. I learned something on Thursday, and I hope to continue my education next week. (72 out of 76 number 2 pencils).
5. Friday, Zero's Friday Five - I don't like that guy, Zero. I heard he once paid a state senator 10 dollars for a butt-wax. His blog mostly sucks too. Complete waste of time. Unless, of course, you enjoy counting... or picturing Eyeball and Muddseye in homoerotic scenes... like, for example, Eyeball rubbing Mudds down with cocoa butter and using him as a nude slip n' slide on your front lawn. Yikes! (104 out of 111 adult movies on your hotel tv).
I'd sooner kiss a wookie!
posted by: Zero @ 9:06 AM
Thursday, August 3
How Not to Suck: Part 1
Picture, if you will:
You are in your car, driving down the road. You're enjoying the ride, bopping to your tunes, and- hark? What is that? The sound of sirens! And around the curve ahead, lights all aflash, comes an ambulance!
You should:
(A) Pull over to the side of the road until Mr. Flashy has gone by - I'm gettin' outta the way!
(B) Keep driving - it's on the other side of the road, after all!
(C) Pull a U-ie and follow that sucker - I wanna see some body parts!
Go ahead, pick your answer.
I'll wait.
...
...
...
...
...
...
Okay, your answer is:
(C) Dude, you suck. That's a person, goddammit!
(B) Dude... you still suck. Those guys are on their way to save a life; you should do what you can.
(A) Here lies the path of Not Sucking! An ambulance, as mentioned above, is either on its way to help save someone, or carrying said someone to a place of more intensive saving, i.e. the hospital. By pulling over, sure you lose 3-6 seconds in your overall trip time... but it gives those ambulance drivers a wider expanse of road to make use of, and therefore they can more safely travel at speeds above and beyond what are legally posted for regular traffic, getting the saving done on time.
So go back up and re-choose option (A), and thereby suck less. Don't worry, I won't tell - it's like a choose your own adventure, but better.
Because, you know - it doesn't suck.
posted by: Bliss @ 9:41 PM
Wednesday, August 2
Ah, the sweet sound of blogging
So...life is good. It's strange how that equation works. Because, strangely enough, I'm completely effing miserable. It's been hot, I've been tired, and planning for the wedding has made me grind my teeth, pull out my hair and find interesting new uses for profanitys. I find myself frustrated by the amount of arguing I've been forced to partake in.
But it's all for a good cause. One beautiful day in September, there will be blissful celebration with good company and food and drink and strippers. Oh, I'm sorry. I was talking about my bachelors party.
I've come to the realization that the sole purpose of the bachelors party is for the Groom to relax about all the stresses of the wedding, get piss drunk and wake up two weeks later with a ring on his finger. But, whats that you say? Why doesn't the bride get to do this? Well, because if they don't have all that built up stress, how else are they going to burst out crying while walking down the aisle?
I'm looking forward to a rocking good time for my bachelors, and it may be the only thing keeping me going.
Ok, that's cruel. I didn't mean it, I'm looking forward to the wedding too. I can't wait to get smashed and give a speech about how I really feel about my mother-in-law.
I don't know if I mentioned it, but we've booked our honeymoon. It's going to be a rustic cabin in Maine. I can't wait, it's going to be super relaxing. I hope I discover that I like lobster, or it's PB&J sandwiches for me alllll week.
The lesson in all of this is, I'm never getting divorced. I never want meet anyone else and go through this wedding bullshit again.
posted by: Zung @ 9:32 PM
Tuesday, August 1
Where our hero moves to Tuesdays...
Well, Skeeve was mentioning some changes. I miss doing my usual rant (or rather forgetting to doing my usual rant) on Wednesdays, so the strip is moving to Tuesdays. And hopefully I'll have something long winded and non sensical for you tomorrow.
I don't know how long I can keep up this stock imagery. Pretty soon I gotta actually start drawing some stuff.
Enjoy
posted by: Zung @ 9:06 PM
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