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Friday, April 28
Zero's Friday Five
Does the fun ever start?! This week, I'm dedicating the Friday Five to my favorite new genre of video game: MMORPG. For those of you who don't know that's: Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game. Think World of Warcraft of City of Heroes, etc. What I'm giving you is my Top 5 MMO's that You'll (Probably) Never See. Please note that this edition of the Friday Five retails for $49.99 and has a required monthly subscription fee of $15, your job, your love-life, and your home. Rock It!
1. "World of Porncraft" - Choose from either male or female characters, and 5 different classes including: Director, Fluffer, Star, Aging Star, and Amateur. Journey through the World of Porncraft, accepting quests to rid the land of uptight religious types, republicans, and internet pirates who access your websites and videos for free. You can also train in many styles of nookie, from Pornmasters in every major city. Equip yourself with toys, piercings and silicone body enhancements. Rated M for Mature.
2. "Poop" - Explore a world where baby Alligators grow to enormous size, the undead thrive in numbers and everything smells like you. In "Poop" you play your very own personally designed piece of turd and venture through the sewer systems of america avoiding bacteria and monsters sent to clean you up. The object is to unite with players all over the world to clog septic systems and cause them to explode. Poop will have it's revenge! Rated S for Smelly.
3. "The Kingdom of Possiltum" - Sign on for adventure with other unique individuals, attempting to sort out the news of the day, play strange forum games, gripe about politics and post funny and amusing weblinks for pleasure. The object is, of course, to post more than anyone else, gain the Royal Court's respect and then attend a Spring Pot Luck where you are the hit of the party! Look out for the fire breathing Cat and Ronin, the fumbling Swalbr and the hidden Anibas. Beware of the incredibly nerdy Zero, Zung, Muddseye, Ford Prefect and Eyeball, who (like Voltron) can form together to create an Uber-Nerd capable of crushing cities with useless Star Wars and Star Trek trivia. But, most of all, fear the dominant Skeeve, who, with his new paintball gear can take an eye out! Rated F for Friggin' Sweet.
4. "Pee" - an expansion set for "Poop", join the turd rebellion as a slithering stream of urine, with new powers to aid your quest. Rated C for Copout.
5. "Zero's Butt" - Explore the land of Zero's butt, the hairy jungles adjacent to the Crack Valley and the dark chasm of Nevermore with it's guyser of crap. Fight off hideous skin lesions and strange unknown bacteria. Marvel at the sexiness of it all. Squeeze it. Live it. Love it. Rated G for Gross.
posted by: Zero @ 10:57 PM
Wednesday, April 26
Zung's blogging time machine
I've invented a time device to let me blog in the past, just in case I forget to when I'm supposed to. It's called a Time and relative date interdimensional stamp. Although it makes a terrible acronym.
Not much to report from the future, seeing as not much has changed by Thursday morning. It is a bit chilly outside, but I suppose the weatherman already told you that. Yesterday.
I could seriously use a time stamp in many aspects of my life, especially now that the semester is drawing to a close, and there's so much work to be done. Taking on 5 studio classes (that's a three hour art class that meets twice a week. You do the math) wasn't probably a good idea in retrospect, but at least I can graduate this semester now. Although I imagine my grades won't be as polished as they could have been if I hadn't taken on such a heavy load.
Graduating is bittersweet for me. I'm excited to be done with classes, but I'm going to miss some of my teachers, and fellow classmates. The discussions about art have been the best this semester, although art itself is an almost entirely selfish act. I'm going to miss my studio space (I have no idea where I'm putting all my large paintings at home). But then again, I won't miss many aspects of the SUNY campus. Like parking. The act of graduating itself has been bothering me. My parents and Kate want to have a party or something for me, but I don't see much sense in celebrating the fact that I've finally attained my bachelors degree at the age of 29. I don't even want to walk in cap and gown. That whole process is going to take like 3 or 4 hours! No thanks, I already did that in high school. Why would I want to do it now with several hundred strangers? Now that's where a time machine would come in handy. For transporting velociraptors into the ceremony, of course.
posted by: Zung @ 11:44 PM
Monday, April 24
A cold rain is gonna fall.
Well, it's April.
Took it long enough to start raining.
If April showers bring May Flowers... What do May Flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
(Bu-dum-tsch!)
Pulled the grill out tonight to make a quick dinner for the gaming group tonight. Was a good time firing it up again, although I think I'm going to need some new Propane soon. Also the new burgers we got were on the really fatty side. (Can you say 4 foot flames boys and girls? I knew that you could.) It'll take a solid cleaning and scraping before next use.
I'm looking forward to June. I plan to take some vacationtime around the boy-o's birthday as well as in between the weekend before the 4th of July and the 4th.
Well, I don't have much more to babble about tonight. I am happy and otherwise moderately content.
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:28 PM
Friday, April 21
Zero's Friday Five
Today should be fun. I'm leaving work early and going out house hunting. I know my dream house is out there, and I know I can't afford it. But, that doesn't mean I can't find a perfectly adequate wonderful house with many of the features my dream house also has, scoop it up in a whirlwind offer-counter offer-closing event that would make even the most veteran realtor choke on his egg salad sandwich, and spend the next several years complaining about how that window in the upstairs bathroom is drafty, and I'd replace it if I didn't have to constantly spend money on the constant furnace repairs! Anyway, in honor of house hunting, I present my top 5 must-have home features (one's my wife will never allow me to have, even if they existed to begin with).
1. The Hot Chicks Room - Upright Citizen's Brigade was this weird sketch comedy show that might've run on Comedy Central for about a week in 1999. They had a skit about this house for sale which featured a "Hot Chicks" room, which (as the clever name would imply) was constantly filled with partying hot chicks. I don't remember if the skit was funny or not, but I do remember thinking that a Hot Chicks room was a fantastic idea (much better than an idea I had back in 1995 for an Asian Whores Room). Maybe one of the places I'll look at today will have something like this...
2. The Scrying Room - I always said that if I were a ghost, I'd mostly haunt women's showers and locker rooms. The problem with that is that to be a ghost, you have to die, and I don't really want to do that anytime soon if it can be avoided. So, I've solved it. A scrying room, complete with All-Seeing Crystal Ball, blacklight posters featuring diagrams of various sexual positions, and a velvet rug. It would be in here that you could spy on anyone or anything anywhere you wanted. But, like Spiderman's aunt says, "With great power comes great responsibility". You have to remember, especially after a night of partying, not to go into the scrying room and try to spy up your own ass. I assure you, it's gross up there.
3. Zero's Garage of Tomorrow-row-row-row... - Yeah, it's a huge garage full of several Deloreans, all tricked out to look like the car from Back To The Future. You got a problem with that?!
4. The "Chamber" - This mysterious room appears to be a den of horrors where unspeakable acts of murder, rape and torture occur daily. It's bloodstained walls, and pulsating flesh covered floors fill inhabitants and lookers-on with unbearable dread. In reality though, it's just a room dedicated to the dorkiest of hobbies... that's right... Dungeons & Dragons. But, don't tell!!! I want people who don't know any better to think I'm a psycho killer. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, Fa-fa-fa-fa-far better.
5. Home Gym - For a while I had a gym membership I actually used. It was nice. I enjoyed it... at least, for a little while. But, then it started to feel too much like a chore and I never went back. The funny thing about gyms is that, aside from maybe some trainer-based help, they don't offer you anything that a good home gym couldn't. AND you'd get to work out in the comfort of your own home. So, that's what I want. A really, really good home gym that offers all the perks of a real gym, minus the personal trainers. I'd need a pretty big space; an elliptical machine, treadmill, bike, ab cruncher, weights, bench, various arm and leg machines (that I admittedly don't know the name of), a juice machine, storage lockers, a hot girl who I'll never get the attention of no matter how built I might actually get, a ripped guy who is the reason I'll never get the attention of the hot girl no matter how built I might actually get, a television that only plays old music videos with no sound, neon lights, a small group of old, terribly out of shape men who spend all day in the steam room giving each other hand jobs, and a receptionist who makes underhanded comments to me after I'm done for the day. Yep... that'll do it.
You are now free to buy real estate all over the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 9:44 AM
Wednesday, April 19
A blockage in my creative organ
What the hell is wrong with me?! Wait, don't answer that.
I have been completely drained of any creative impulses. Quite frankly, it borders on depression. Except that I'm not sad. Just over filled with a huge amount of emptiness, although that doesn't sound physically possible.
It's so frustrating, that I wish I could just shirk all responsibilites and be a hobo. But only the glamourous kind featured in movies and hippy books. I would ride the rails, letting fate take me to new places where I could be a burden on society. I would be the dark stranger who comes into town and raises everyone's hopes that I would change their lives forever. Except that I would only bum for quarters, get a shower at the local YMCA, and leave a slightly less dark stranger.
Sounds like fun to me.
Yeah. So...
Sorry. Still out of creative juices.
Wait, wait... I could tell you about how I sliced my hand open on Easter while cutting potatoes. I totally got stigmata on Easter, how cool is that? Actually, it really f'ing hurt, but has healed nicely in the meantime. Nevermind...
This whole creative block is really going to suck, considering I only have a few weeks left of school, and I'm supposed to graduate, and then... do... something with my life. Anyone hiring a lazy fool with a Fine Arts degree that doesn't involve frying something?
posted by: Zung @ 11:44 PM
Monday, April 17
Tax:Deadline
Well, I hope you got them all done and you're not running around in a last minute panic.
Me? I'm sitting here loading up movies into my netflix queue. Damn they have an impressive number of titles. Both Movies AND teevee shows. (Even BBC). Not to mention that Anime addiction I've always been meaning to get into. I can see this going on for a very very long time.
So far we've been adding BBC teevee sci-fi teevee shows like Red Dwarf and Dr. Who (Mostly the Tom Baker years), a bunch of Alfred Hitchcock, new releases we didn't have time to see in the theatre, movies that one or the other of us haven't yet seen. It's neat, you can also add friends by thier email addresses and share reviews and movie suggestions.
So, today I got my hair cut, got an oil change for the car and got ink for my printer at one of those refill places. (Let's see how this goes) As well as subscribing to netflix and taking Bliss and HRH out to dinner I'd say it twas a full day.
If you need a stamp for those taxes, I can loan ya a few.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:53 PM
Friday, April 14
Zero's Friday Five
Tomorrow's my birthday (w00t!), and to celebrate, I'm phoning in the Friday Five this week with my Top 5 Birthday Songs. Add them to your playlist and throw me a party in absentia. You don't even have to get me a present. You cheap so and so!
1. "Happy Birthday" by: The Birthday Party
2. "The Fake, The Snake, and The Birthday Cake" by: Punchline
3. "Happy Birthday, Ralph" by: Atom And His Package
4. "Happy Birthday" by: Concrete Blonde
5. "Happy F***ing Birthday" by: Combichrist
You are now free to get older around the TKOP
posted by: Zero @ 7:59 PM
Tuesday, April 11
A day late and a dollar short.
I gotta stop doing a Monday blog... Well, that is to say an early in the week blog. Or at least start it on friday, or something.
Speaking of dollars:
TIme to get ready to send in all that lovely tax that the gubment demands that you pay them for every dollar you earn over thier rediculously antiquated exemption (which origionally was supposed to be the amount of money a person could comfortably live on for a year, cha, right. I don't think I lived on that little since my ramen days in college...) You then have to send some to the state gubment too. And if you live in the same state I do, don't forget to put an arm and a leg into the envelope too.
Unless, like me, you decided to OVERPAY your estimated taxes for this year. See, what I do is claim the lowest number of dependants that I leagally can. And then send in a little extra too, just for fun. This ensures that I don't get interest on that money, but let's be honest. I'm a new parent, the only way I won't SPEND that money is if I use the government to hide it from me.
So, my basic principal for tax time is usually this:
If I owe, I hold out till the very last minute. I'll file right on April 15th if I owe. (Hey the post office is never THAT crammed... HA) They won't see one extra day of interest on my $50, thanks.
If they owe me? Well, my taxes are generally done the day after I get my W2's from my job(s). Sent, and with directdeposit usually available to spend on diapers the next week.
Well, now I'm sure you're asking, But Skeeve? What about a mixed bag? What if you're getting a refund from the feds, but you owe a rediculous amount to that tick-like state that you live in?
Then I mix the technique! Yes! I rush out the federal return and hold the state till the last minute! Ha! That'll teach them to try and throw off my routine! Also... I usually have to wait for my fed return to pay the state one.
So there ya go, my tax time advice to you, the average tax payer. You can use it yourself, too. Hell I won't even charge you.
Oh, and this year. I didn't fill out the forms myself. I used one of those software programs that does it all for you and then e-files the whole mess. I was getting money back from both, so they've been long since done and spent. I heartily reccomend the program too, but I'm not going to give them completely free publicity, so I'll just say it rhymes with "HurboHacks"
Mr. Skeeve is not a certified tax accountant, nor should anyone with a brain not filled with Guacamole attempt to think that he is nor follow his financial advice. I think that the levels of Mr. Skeeve's credit scores will speak for themselves as to how good a money manager he is.
posted by: Skeeve @ 7:37 PM
Friday, April 7
Zero's Friday Five
I'm not feeling very inspired today... It's been a gloomy week, the kind where not only is the weather bad, but where I've been bogged down at work all week. All I can say is TGIF, and TGIZFF. So, in honor of our favorite King and Queen's new wheels, here are my top 5 name suggestions for the new PT Blissmobile.
1. Blue Flaming Chariot of Possiltum - Speaks for itself and when people ask what the hell it means, you can pimp the Kingdom to them. Everybody wins!
2. Skeevellneverdriveme - Say it fast and proud! You know our fearless leader wants behind the wheel, but hell hath no fury like a woman who discovers her man has been driving her new phat ride.
3. The Element Slayer - We shall see, oh yes, we shall see...
4. Pickles In The Gravy Boat - I don't know, but Ghost and I once saw a green PT and she said it looked like a pickle, to which I said, 'in a gravy boat'. Now, I don't know what that means, or why it was said, but there you have it. I know. I'm dumb. :)
5. Bertha - A name I considered for my E in respect to its huge rear, which is not unlike the rear of a PT. I pass this gem onto you, for consideration. May your trunk space always be mighty.
Incidentally, my E is called "Big Fat Goalie".
You are now free to drive around the TKOP. Not you, Skeeve. You ride shotgun!
posted by: Zero @ 10:50 AM
Wednesday, April 5
Read my new book!
Writing is hard work! You give it a try!
posted by: Zung @ 11:11 PM
Monday, April 3
Foolish april...
We aren't, by any means having a heat wave. I think this weekend was simply Mother Natures April Fools joke on us.
Not that it was very clever... Or funny.
Despite that I got out and enjoyed it. We went for a walk for the first time in months on the paths around the Albany area... Back in where the Karner Blue flies. (Well, not at the moment...)
It was rather easy to keep our bearings, what with the highway that close... Just listen for the road noise, that's the right way. : )
Tomorrow night we go to pick up our new (to us) car. We're excited to be the young people who will own a PT Cruiser. It's the limited edition, so it's loaded up... (Moon roof, Leather, Cruise, AC, power everything...) but it's also a stick, which makes Bliss very happy.
It's blue.
With flames.
Wanna see?
Ok, off to bed. Keep your head down in the april showers... Bring an umbrella and be thankful...
It was supposed to snow tomorrow.
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:40 PM
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