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Monday, February 27
Zero hour:
When Zero gets his chance!
Once more my good intentions for getting the blog done for today before midnight are shattered to the ground to lay in shards between my feet.
Friday night we had a sudden invite for a certain birthdayboy's party. Much fun was had, and much Pizza consumed. I found many more reasons to adore his Fiancee (Besides how happy she's made him) and UNO can be fun! (Even when it's goofy and snarky.)
Saturday morning we took off just as the "storm" hit, driving to Mass to see Zelda's directoral debut. It was a long drive, but his little emporerness was reasonable and we got there by 12:30. We saw much of Blisses family and a good time was had. Until I got sick that night... It seems I either don't travel well, or there's some mould at her folks house that is kryptonite to my nasal passages. I wind up not sleeping much at all during the night, and mostly drowsing into the afternoon of...
Sunday. I finally become concious (and headache-less) at around 1:30. We get started and take Zelda back to school, and then head out back home. Cue long driving trip #2 for the weekend. We get home, all of us tuckered out, and fall into bed.
Monday: Get up late, get moving late and the whole day was a Monday after that. The only real bright part was discovering how to convert characters to bianary and back again. Most of the rest of the day was a simple drag and dealing with users. Afterwork had me rushing again back to get Bliss, and then her car and then home, all later than planned... Now, here I am after a busy, fun packed evening, late yet again...
Perhaps I'll die on a monday, and be late for my own funeral.
In closing... I leave this thought.
010000100110010100100000011100110111010101110010011001
010010000001110100011011110010000001100100011100100110
100101101110011010110010000001111001011011110111010101
110010001000000100111101110110011000010110110001110100
01101001011011100110010100101110
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:39 PM
Friday, February 24
Zero's Friday Five
Do you know Miniblaarg? If you've ever tried our new chat interface, you might've seen him floating around in there. What you might not know is that Miniblaarg actually has some deep, thoughtful opinions about things as varied as the hulk (SMASH!) and wheee (I got your wheee right here!). Here's some things you won't catch Miniblaarg chatting about though... at least, not until or unless certain parties instruct him to do so.
1. Turino?? - Aaaggghhh! Olympics?! Miniblaarg watches American Idol!
2. Phantom?? - Proctor's Theatre raped my wallet!
3. Nukes?? - Coming soon to Iran!
4. TheCat?? - Don't talk about The Cat. The Cat will effing kill you.
5. Anus?? - Mine can speak Italian. What can YOURS do?
You are free to Miniblaarg?? around the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 5:50 PM
Thursday, February 23
Jet Lagged
I just flew back from San Diego, and boy are my arms tired.
No, really. They are. Airline seats suck. I had to sit with my arms folded for most of the trip so I didn't invade my neighbor's personal space. Now they ache. I really hate flying. I know that the risk of getting killed in a car crash is higher than dying in a plane crash, but that doesn't comfort me. I'm a good driver, I'd rather be in a car than a plane.
Other than the terror of getting there, San Diego was nice. I never really got adjusted to the time difference until I got home. My sleep schedule is all screwed up now. While I was out there, I was getting sleepy at seven in the evening, and waking up at five in the morning.
Kate and I went out for a wedding. A good friend of hers from college. I found it amusing that the bride was changing her last name to something that rhymed with her first name. But she's a crunchy granola girl, so it's "all good". The groom was from Eritrea, which is an Italian settled Colony in Africa. It gets him a green card, so I hope that they're really in love. The first song they danced to was the theme from the Godfather. Weird.
Despite it being Southern California, it was cold (and a bit rainy) while we were there. Which sucked because I rented a Mustang convertible. Although it was still about 40 degrees warmer than upstate New York.
Our hotel looked out onto the bay and part of the ocean. The air just seemed so much cleaner than back home. Callalilies and Birds of Paradise grew everywere. The whole city was just a generally happy place. I can see why people move out there.
The best part of the trip, was the co-ed bachelorette party the night before the wedding. It was a bonfire on the beach. Although after the sunset, San Diego revealed it's scummy underbelly. Transients. Stupid dirty hippy kids who, I assume, sleep on the beach. They started showing up, like moths drawn to our fire, and stealing our beer. It was a minor annoyance at first. Spiderman showed up (although I really think he was just a young drug addict dressed in a Halloween costume). Then a guy who did a juggling fire act, who didn't want our money, but signatures of registered San Diego voters instead... so he could get to Mardi Gras. I'm going to file that one away next to "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college" (Lewis Black). But as the night went on, the bum bastards outnumbered us, and we decided the party was officially over (Spiderman had left, and couldn't save us).
The San Diego Zoo was nice, but I'm still a bigger fan of the Washington, DC National Zoo. We went to a Vineyard, and tasted some wine. The experience was just as lousy as "Sideways". Oh, and it seems like no one in San Diego wakes up before noon, because we could never find a descent place to eat breakfast. I had the worst bagel of my life there, in a section of town called "Old San Diego". What the hell are they talking about? NOTHING is "old" on the west coast. The area looked like it was built by a theme park.
By the end of the trip, I have to admit I was homesick. I love New York. Next time I visit, I'm wearing a shirt that says that.
posted by: Zung @ 1:42 PM
Monday, February 20
Time to make the donuts:
Soooo, how we doing keeping those new years resolutions there, kids?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
It's hard to change your life. Hard to do the right thing. Hard to keep yourself under control for even 5 minutes when that thing... That desired object is RIGHT there in front of you... Taunting you...
Go ahead. It's ok. You'll have all of eternity to regret it.
Some of the big hit items for resolutions this year were pretty much the same ones you hear over and over again... Lose weight, quit smoking, do more with family, get a better job, earn more money, pay bills on time, eat healthy, stop gambling, get in shape, quit drinking, work out more, do less dope, spend more or less time at work... It's really all the same. Something you do now is bothering you and you want to minimise it's impact on your life. The worst ones are the ones that people force on you. The things about you that bug them. If it's time for a resolution then they should just resolve to be less offended by your whoring, and get over it.
So, hopefully you're working toward a realistic goal. I love the "I'm going to lose 400 pounds before swimsuit season." Oh, no pressure there at all. Just take a fork to the crisco, you know you're not going to achive this one. (Of course, this might be a reaction to the forced resolution above. Sneeeaky.)
Why are resolutions rarely fun? "This year I resolve to shoot pool and scratch my ass more." Hell, that's the best resolution I ever made!
posted by: Skeeve @ 9:09 PM
Friday, February 17
Zero's Friday Five
There's been a little bit of talk on the board, as of late, in regards to singles mixers and hook-ups. Our benevolent and goateed king, Skeeve (see also: Skeevie, Skeevereeno, The Skeeve, Skeevers, and Chuckie-Wuckie The Pluckie Duckie) has come out and said he is very much against the idea of TKOP denizens getting all mushy on each other and making the beast with two backs (see also: ANSI graphics circa 1992). I couldn't agree with him more, and not because of the nasty "high school" drama that could come out of it. No, I have my own reasons for not wanting the TKOP I know and adore being turned into a singles mixer, and I'd like to share them with you in this week's Friday Five (see also: Annoying weekly list written by meth-addicted cross dressing bus station skank and Forum Game moderator).
1. Our Poor Women:Men Ratio - I can count the number of women on this board on my hands (and I don't have extra fingers or anything!), and half of them are married or engaged. I also know that most of the guys on this board aren't gay or bisexual. Put two and two together and what you're going to end up with is either a lot of screaming infidelity, wife swapping parties, or two hungover guys waking up in the same bed, naked, making suicide pacts to never reveal to anyone else what they only think might've happened. Picture Eyeball nude, spooning with Muddseye, also nude, and you'll immediately see why this is such a bad idea.
2. World of Warcraft - Quite a few of us play WoW like it's going out of style. This ultimately results in spending more time in front of the computer, which for some of us (myself included) didn't seem possible to begin with. Nevertheless, too many TKOPpers aren't venturing out into the real world anymore. Just because you're a social misfit, scared to death of meeting people in public, doesn't mean Skeeve or anyone else should provide you with a mail-order nookie service from other socially inept people. No offense, guys and girls, but go outside once and a while. Leave the internet dating to the pedophiles on MySpace.
3. Dr. Neil Clark Warren - We've all seen him on TV touting his E-Harmony site and their many levels of compatibility. What those ads don't tell you is that Dr. Warren is actually the offspring of Satan and Cupid (see #1 and apply it to Hell turning into a singles mixer). He will come after all of us and burn us alive if we so much as think about treading on his turf any longer. I suggest we all immediately start talking about something else, like braiding Zung's pubic hair.
4. TKOP Meets and The "It" Girl - Back on the topic of so few single women belonging to the TKOP community. The next time we do one of these meets, maybe 1 single girl shows up? Maybe 2? They'll have to fend off the guys with large strips of grilled beef and those pre-paid WoW cards you buy at EB. What's it going to be like when 10 guys all dogpile on JennyBanana? Once that starts happening, the few single ladies of the kingdom will stop visiting the board, and then I won't have anyone to hit on when my wife isn't looking.
5. You're still thinking about Eyeball and Muddseye naked and braiding Zung's pubes, aren't you? You wicked little monkey. See what this idea is doing to us?! DO YOU?! It's in my brain!!!!!
You are now free to pour gasoline into your eyes all around the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 9:13 AM
Wednesday, February 15
TKOP Chat is HOT! HOT! HOT!
Lo and behold TKOPeons, we now have a fancy java client for the infamous (Infamous, that means really famous, right?) TKOP Chat. Formerly only accessible to the elite few who bothered to download and set up an IRC client, now you too can join in on our exciting chat discussions about bacon and... bacon!
Seriously though, the web interface can now be accessed by the old Chat menu option (inbetween "Webcams" and "Links"). If you wait and log into the forums first, the chat client will automatically grab your TKOP handle and use it for the chat. Otherwise, you'll be logged in as anonymous and you can change your name with /nick YOURNAMEHERE
You can also access it by clicking here.
It's another great way to keep in touch with the TKOP community, no matter where you're accessing the interwebs.
Thanks to Wushupork, aka Blaarg, for all the hard work in getting it all set up.
posted by: Zung @ 6:16 PM
Monday, February 13
Love is in the...
Hey! What's that smell!?
Ah, the cruelest of the months, Feburary. It's the longest month with 28 days ever. You can't even work up enough steam to really hate a month as short as that...
So, yeah. Tomorrow is Valentines Day. A day some folk hate more than tax day. A date that generally make people in love giddy and those out of love snarky. For you both I pull some words of Wisdom from Uncle Tom...
Who knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.
Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:10 PM
Friday, February 10
Zero's Friday Five
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I thought it would be a nice idea to shell out a special Bone-Us edition of The Friday Five this week. After all, it is only the most important (made up) holiday of the year and if you don't have someone to share it with you should honestly just jump off a bridge. Relationships equal self-worth. At least, that's what the greeting card companies want you to believe. So, for all you lovers out there, here's five albums for your Valentine's sex list. Light some candles, break out the massage oils, cover the bed in rose petals, and for god's sake don't forget the $4 generic card that trivializes your entire relationship.
1. Lovers Rock by: Sade - The most traditional sex music you're going to get on my Friday Five, and a safe bet all the way around.
2. Pure by: The Golden Palominos - Sure, most of the songs are about rape and murder, but Lori Carson's voice is enough to give anyone a series of orgasms they're not likely to recover from any time soon.
3. Pretty Hate Machine by: Nine Inch Nails - I had to put this on here for all you goth punks. Go get laid and then spend a few hours writing poetry about how empty it made you feel inside your hollow tin chests.
4. Encore by: Eminem - Again, I was forced to put this on here for all you weirdos who like abusive nookie. Nothing says "I Love You" quite like dinner and a hate crime. Go home afterwards and choke each other in bed. It feels better the closer you come to dying.
5. Come by: Prince - The title says it all. Besides, you can't go wrong when you've got an album full of sex music written and performed by a guy who'll pretty much do anyone and anything. If you listen to the lyrics, you might even learn a few new moves. Bat-Daaaaaance!
BONE-US! - I know not everyone has someone to lay on February 14th. So, this Bone-Us is for you. Five songs to kill yourself by. Buy a greeting card first though, it might make you feel better. If that doesn't work, try not to get any blood on the carpet.
1. Suicide Blonde - INXS
2. Something In The Way - Nirvana
3. Sex Junkie - The Plasmatics
4. Make Me Smile - Chicago
5. Between The Bars - Elliot Smith
And there you have it. A Friday Five Bone-Us Edition for your fake, stupid holiday that gives you an excuse to either do something special for your sigoth or screw a perfect stranger... you shouldn't require a holiday for either of those things.
Now, make sure you wear a condom big enough for the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 10:41 AM
Wednesday, February 8
The things we hate to love
Reality shows, Fried foods, MMORPG's, Significant others, Black Tar Heroin...
Where would we be without our vices? Probably in some sort of boring utopia, not too unlike what you might imagine Heaven resembles. Neither place sounds too exciting to me, so you'll have to forgive me for continuing to watch bad television, while eating chicken wings with my fiance this evening. I mean, I've only got a handful of decades left before I have to sit on a cloud and twiddle my thumbs for eternity, so why not enjoy the grittier things in life?
Why is drinking a pint of beer ok, but eating a pint of ice cream bad? How come I can smoke one kind of dried vegetation, but not another. Why are books good, but based on the best selling novel teevee movies not as good? Why are rare collectible figurines ok to collect unless they have articulated joints and "Web swinging action"?
A vice is a vice is a vice, all right? Unless your vice is a vice named Mr. Ed. Take it to alt.binaries.erotic.equine, ok?
Recently, I've been discovering that many guilty pleasures are somewhat universal. If it's popular, then there has to be something to it. I guess the motto "everyone else is doing it" has some merit. But that sort of attitude is what usually drives me away from fads and catchy tv shows. But lately I fear that I too, would jump off the bridge if all my friends did too. For instance, the World of Warcraft has captivated many of my friends and fellow TKOPers like monkeys in a pit of crack-laced bananas. We all know the internet is a gateway to many, many vices. Instead I'd like to focus on a more ancient temptation: Television.
Last year, I was lured into watching American Idol. I fought it every step of the way, but I sucummed. It plays on our fears of our own humiliation and rejection, and our desires to humiliate and reject while sugar coating itself with dreams of fortune and glory. And the tryouts are really goddamn funny. I can't stop watching it. I need an intervention.
A couple weeks ago, I agreed to watch the pilot episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives, which my fiance had rented. I believe I might have done something wrong, and was repenting for my actions by submitting. This evening we finished the last episode of the 6th disc. I'm currently searching for the first part of this season online. It's not only well written, edited and acted, but the women on the show are HOT. I think those were the same reasons I went on an Alias renting binge last year. Except for the writing, editing and acting part. Then I found Jennifer Garner is a complete idiot. I mean, come on. She had Ben Affleck's baby.
I've met people who say they don't own a television. That sounds like a very healthy and smart idea. Of course these people have never watched 3 hours of VH1 list shows back to back. How do they go on living without knowing what is and isn't awesomely bad in their lives?
Ok, enough about Teevee. Let's talk about food. Wait, no. Nevermind. I just ate a bunch of boneless chicken wings, and I feel like I'm going to vomit. Why does the common sense and guilt come AFTER indulging in your vice? Anyhow... I used to think drinking and smoking were terrible habits. Then I got drunk. Then I got... whatever smoking does to you. I wouldn't know, I've never touched the stuff except for theoretical purposes for this blog. Don't do drugs kids. Your uncle Zung said so.
But anyway, the point is, vices aren't so bad. And don't knock stuff until you try it. Unless it's illegal in your state. Gotta go. Time for American Idol.
posted by: Zung @ 8:27 PM
Tuesday, February 7
Brought to you by the number "Screw you hippie!"
A day late, but this time you can blame Blogger. Seems they decided to be down for maintenence for an extended period last night, and so, I could have stayed up till 1am to do the blog, but I figured that would have put me over the mark to this morning anyway, so best to go to bed.
Now if only I can figure out where this damn headache came from... And when I do there will be punishment. Oh yes.
The first full weekend of family time went very well. We had a good couple of days the last capped by having friends over to watch the testosterone laden event that is the super bowl.
We mostly ate good food and had some fun adult beverages and watched the commercials.
The other things (aside from work and the life of a daddy) that are going on is an ever growing addiction to WoW. We play on the DarkIron server for alliance and on the Thonium Brotherhood for Horde. It's a pretty good time. (Check our forums for more info.)
Since I'm updating this from work, I should probably go back to doing my system documentation here.
Catch ya on the flip side.
posted by: Skeeve @ 9:31 AM
Friday, February 3
Zero's Friday Five
I don't know if you've spent much time in TKoP's IRC chat channel lately, but those who have know that we're really only talking about 2 things these days: WoW and Bacon. I'm here to suggest 5 ways to put these things together for the ultimate weekend.
1. Bacongrounds - Prepare a large plate of bacon any way you like and get yourself in the queue for your favorite battleground. Once you're locked in battle, take one bite of the greasy, delicious bacon for every kill credited to you. Sure, if you play long enough, you might just die right at the computer. But, that wouldn't be the first time someone died playing WoW.
2. Eating Hogger - Low level Alliance toons know all about Hogger. He's the dirty, stinking gnoll that's been making life difficult for travelers in the Elwynn Forest. Once you're done killing him, log off for a while and fry yourself up some bacon to celebrate. Pretend it's Hogger meat, or the meat of all those boars in his area. Mixing a little reality with your gaming never hurt anyone, right? Guys? Fellas?
3. Optical Bacon - We're all nerds here. Proud nerds. Handsome nerds. And we all love bacon. Why not take our love of bacon and mold it into something other than raising our body fat index? Take strips of raw bacon and some duct tape and make yourself a cozy for your mouse. Then you can delight in the slimy, oily feel of raw bacon strips in your palm as you click away the hours, questing in Azeroth. Yum!
4. Baconism - Herbalists, everytime you find Earthroot and Silverleaf, combine them to make some bacon. Sure, it doesn't make sense. But, you've eaten crisp, exquisite bacon for dumber reasons.
5. Bacon?? - Miniblaarg bakes a cake!
You are now free to raise pigs all around the TKOP.
posted by: Zero @ 3:32 AM
Wednesday, February 1
Zung's palette
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