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Friday, December 30
Citizen Zero XI
Zung's done with the Lucky Seven, and I couldn't be happier. I never really got comfortable blogging list-free. It's too mush hassle to blog all natural like. I need organized numbered lists. So, while Zung returns to blogging, I will return to the Friday Five. But, before that happens...
Tomorrow is New Years' Eve and as 2005 shuffles its ugly ol' butt out of here, I'd like to ask for a moment of silence to remember the 365 days that were...
P
L
A
Y
F
O
R
U
M
G
A
M
E
S
...Ok, that's enough. Now, let's all get drunk, get naked, and usher in the new year the right way: passed out on the floor of a 24-hour diner with wadded up panties in one hand, an autographed photo of Bea Arthur in the other and hollandaise sauce on our nipples.
Bring it on, Dick Clark... you ageless penguin, you.
posted by: Zero @ 11:31 PM
Thursday, December 29
Zung's Unlucky numbers
Meh. I took a mental health day yesterday. No bloggish goodness. Making up for it today with a excuse with a medical note attached. Went to the doctor yesterday (not Dr. TOMORROW, but Dr. yesterday, who doesn't capitalize any of his last name.) and was expecting to be told I have 7 months to live. I was quite disappointed at the lack of brevity the results actually had, but also relieved at the same time. It was bittersweet. The EKG was normal, but it seems my asthma medz have been messing up my system. I'm also staying away from caffeine for a while.
I also think I'll be switching back to a regular rant, sans list. Coming up with 7 things that fit into a category is really time consuming. Honestly Zero, I don't know how you did it with a mere 5 things. Personally, I think you had a army of garden gnomes doing it for you, which would explain a lot.
So I give you a final top 7 list, although I won't rule out listing things in the future, but it just isn't going to be my "profession"
It's just a little something I worked up in my head while sitting in the waiting room, thinking through all the worst possible scenarios. I'm telling you, it's a curse being a pessimist, paranoid, and overly creative.
The top 7 things I thought I should do before I die.
7. Delete all the pron off my computer
6. Make a will for all my computer parts, action figures and movie collectables
5. See that fan edited version of Phantom Menace without Jar-Jar
4. Make a model train set surrounding a miniature city
3. Put on a rubber Gozilla outfit and destroy above miniature city
2. Go to Europe. Act like the American they expect me to be.
1. Tell everyone how much I love them. Then punch them in the face, so they won't have to miss me when I'm gone.
Ok, now get outta here. Show's over.
posted by: Zung @ 7:40 AM
Friday, December 23
'Twas The Blog Before Christmas: A Citizen Zero Tale
'Twas the blog before Christmas, well more like Christmas Eve
And Not a TKoPper was reading, not even the Skeeve;
The stockings were hung on everyone's cams,
With pictures of Zung eating jellies and jams;
The forums were buzzing, new posts in their threads,
But Ronin and The Cat were not butting heads;
And RoxanneM in her 'kerchief, and Bliss in her cap,
Had just put down their babies for a long winter's nap,
When in The Throne Room there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the keyboard I flew like a bird,
Tore open the browser and read all the words.
The green and the purple of TKOP text
Gave me memories of ANSI and using Telex,
Then, what I would read would inspire me so,
Muddseye announced Chekov's on the New Voyages show,
And then someone had written about computers so neat,
I knew in a moment it must be Unl33t.
More rapid than eagles I scanned through the rest
And stopped to admire KATil's new avatar and its exposed breast;
"Now, Garkin! Now, Eyeball! Now, Hobbes and swalbr!
On, WuShu! On, Veryne! On, MisterK and Darkstar!
To the top of the castle! to the top of the wall!
Now post away! post away! post away all!"
And suddenly I realized as I reached for more rhymes,
That changing "The Night Before Christmas" was hurting my mind;
You see, it's much longer than I had remembered,
And I'm not sure I'm up to the task or especially clever.
So, if you all wouldn't mind, I'll end it early and right,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."
posted by: Zero @ 9:09 AM
Wednesday, December 21
Zung's Merry Lucky Seven
It's that wonderful time of year, when private citizens, local governments, the religious right and the ACLU get in legal shouting matches about the true meaning of the holiday(s).
Every time a plaintiff wins, and angel gets his wings. And the lawyers get 70%.
So in order to make a list about the holiday season, without neglecting a single faith's winter holiday, I'm making a list... of everyone's winter holidays. With Santa's little helper, Wikipedia.
Think of it as an opportunity to get to know the traditions, rituals and beliefs of that favorite religious freak in your life.
Listed in no particular order.
Christmas: Celebrating the miracle that Joseph actually believed his wife when she said she was a pregnant virgin.
Hanukkah: The Festival of Lights. Some mensch made lamp oil last for eight days. I hope he got a patent.
Yule: An excuse for hippy-dippy wiccans to get their xmas presents four days early.
Kwanzaa: Get your PhD, start some shit with the Black Panthers, kidnap and torture some women, go to prison, embrace Marxism, get out of prison, start a holiday. I'm not kidding.
Yalda: Yet another dead celebration which still secretly survives in modern day Christmas. When will those Arabs stop easternizing our culture!?! Oh wait. Nevermind.
Festivus: Actually celebrated by some people, the godless kind of people who buy multiple box set DVDs.
Life Day: You wouldn't get it. It's a Wookie thing.
posted by: Zung @ 7:41 PM
Tuesday, December 20
Monday hates me...
Long day, and just getting home. I've not had time to post all day, and when I picked up the boy at his Grandmothers tonight she coaxed me to pt my head down for a few minutes...
Yeah. 3 hours later...
Sheesh.
So, this is the time of lots of work getting interupted by holiday parties at work. We have one tomorrow, and one wednesday afternoon. Thursday is my last work day this week, and I'm planning to leave at noon. (Work gives us a cut out day for holiday shopping once a year. Yeah, I love my job...) Then the campus is closed for a week.
So, I have 3 half days to set up two new servers, install the required software on them, get the DBA to set up a new instance (And version for him) of Oracle, test it, and hand it over to the users, all the while recovering from Bronchitus.
I can so see this happening.
Ok, I'm going to go fall down now. Morning comes deadly early.
Joyuex Noel.
posted by: Skeeve @ 12:04 AM
Friday, December 16
Citizen Zero IX: White Noise
King Kong has arrived and with it, a triple whopper. So, go clog your arteries and then see a $10 movie. Me? I'll be visiting my in-laws and having early Christmas. Maybe I'll go bowling...
Sound - "Tiny Cities" by: Sun Kil Moon - A collection of Modest Mouse covers reimagined as acoustic/folk songs. Now, maybe you like them and maybe you don't. Me? I hate Modest Mouse. I hate everything about them and I find their music completely unlistenable. Somehow, Sun Kil Moon manages to turn all that I perceive as crap into musical gold, and have crafted an album I literally can't stop listening to. Go figure. 5 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Vision - "White Noise" Directed by: Geoffrey Sax - Michael Keaton is a little creepy and frankly, every time I see him I see Beetlegeuse, Beetlegeuse, Beetlegeuse! But, despite that I managed to sit through this movie last night for the very first time and found it mostly enjoyable with a pinch of not-so-good. Sudden scares, and a weird fat guy who no one would ever believe (and yet Keaton's character does) make it a little difficult to truly recommend this one, but give it a shot if you haven't already. It's nothing terribly special, but it's a good way to kill some hours on a snowed in weekend. 2 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Written Word - "Faust" by: Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev - No, it's not the Goethe version, this is a story about a man who gives Goethe's Faust to the woman he loves. In a series of letters to a friend, the narrator relates how he has managed to convince a married woman, hitherto shielded from the powerful effects of poetry and fiction, of the importance of developing the imagination. By introducing her to Goethe’s masterpiece, he sets in motion a chain of crucial events. In this poetic exploration of spiritual awakening, Turgenev demonstrates his preoccupation with the culture of Western Europe and the nature of human relations. Ivan Turgenev was a Russian novelist and playwright, who spent much of his life in Western Europe. His writing profoundly affected the course of European literature. 4 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Game ON! - "Battle Heat" for: PC-FX - Battle Heat for the Japanese only PC-FX mixes seamless FMV action as an interface to a highly interactive fighting game engine. Many of the moves are pulled off via Street Fighter II mechanics, and the response is very tight. This wasn't the first time a fighting game had been attempted with FMV: Sega gamers may remember Prize Fighter and Supreme Warrior. While neither of those games were total disasters, they severely lacked in the interactive department (push a button, wait while the screen loads, push another button, wait... etc). You really need to be able to punch, block, counter...feel every hit connect. Battle Heat did that, with no loading times, seamless interaction, and full screen 30 frames per second, beautiful animation. Not cel shading. Pre-drawn full motion video. It was really something special. 3.5 out of 5 fresh crescents.
And you're all something special too. You mother&$#@%!s
posted by: Zero @ 6:06 AM
Wednesday, December 14
Zung's GIANT lucky seven
Help! I've been kidnapped by Dr. TOMORROW, and I've only time to inform you of the most diabolical plot...
Just kidding. Actually I'm marking the release of KING KONG with a list of 7 awesome giant monsters.
King Kong - what's Mean, scary, tall and Hairy? My Uncle Pete! He also once molested a woman on the top floor of the empire state building, but our family doesn't like to talk about that. (Hey, I almost went for a Grape Ape joke, so be thankful). King Kong, resident of Skull Island, is a misunderstood beast, who just wants some furry love, but can't get none 'cause he's the only giant Ape in the world. Way to go "intelligent design". Sorry Kong, God really screwed you, huh?
Godzilla - Otherwise known as Gojira, is an allegory for the effects of the hydrogen bomb, and the unintended consequences that such weapons might have on Earth. He also spews Atomic Fire and fights giant Moths (What do you expect? Light a giant fire, get a giant moth). Gotta love men in rubber suits. Wait. That totally came out wrong.
Giant Squids - Jules Verne used them in "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea", and wouldn't you know it... They're real! But you know you don't really make it in the ocean until you get your name on the Red Lobster menu. So until then, I'll be sucking down calimari. Call me when they've got the squid steaks.
Cthulhu - The great old one lays in a deathlike slumber somewhere in the Southeast Pacific Ocean. He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth, at which point he will devour everything. Pray that you will be eaten first.
Nessy & Champ - These two crazy sea monsters were two perfect strangers, until chance brought them together when they dressed in drag in order to live in a women's only hotel. Oh, wait. Sorry. That was Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari. The Loch Ness Monster and The Lake Champlain Monster are listed together, as they seem to possibly be similar fictional creatures. Great Sea creatures left over from eons ago. There's also one in Lake Tianchi within the Changbai Mountains of Jilin Province, China, and Ogopogo lives in Lake Okanagan, British Columbia, Canada. Hell, there's also one in my bathtub. I call him Pubey. But no one believes me.
Animal in "The Muppet Movie" - Ok, so he's only giant for about several seconds, but as a kid I thought it was really frickin cool. The effects of a crazy experiment of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker cause Animal to grow to giant size and scare off the bad guys.
Dinosaurs - Merely an honorable mention, Dinosaurs get on the list because they do sort of count as monsters, even though they have scientific names and stuff. They also plague the minds of little boys and pilots of Space ships.
"'Yes...this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... this land.' 'I think we should call it your grave!' 'Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!' 'Hahaha! Mine is an evil laugh!'" -Wash, Firefly
I'm sure I'm forgetting some other memorable giant...things. But that's what forums are for. :)
You're now free to run for your lives to TKOP
posted by: Zung @ 10:26 AM
Monday, December 12
Phoning it in:
Do you actually know ANYONE who likes the discomfort of a Dr's office?
Yeah, I thought not.
Tomorrow I get to meet my new Doctor for the first time, and it's not a meet and greet visit, sadly. I'm HOPING that the Dr will see me with the old ins, which is still in effect, without having to have the new insurance numbers. (Which I don't have yet.)
And then the day AFTER that... I have to go in and have my whole body checked out. Hooray.
Well, I hope you all are feeling much better than I.
posted by: Skeeve @ 10:39 PM
Friday, December 9
Citizen Zero VIII: Zung Takes Mahattan
So, am I to understand that while Zung got to attend a live taping of The Daily Show, I was stuck decking the halls of Casa Nada with boughs of holly, colored lights and a big fake tree? Hmmm... That's not really a complaint. My decorations look frickin' awesome, yo. On to the enlightenment!...
Written Word: "Towing Jehovah" by: James Morrow - God dies and his two mile long body falls into the ocean. The angels, who are rapidly dying out, contract a disgraced oil tanker captain and his crew to locate and tow God's corpse to a burial shrine they've made for him in the arctic circle. Satire and serious drama combine to make this one of my personal favorite books of all time. Check it out, won't you? 4 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Sound: "We Have The Facts And We're Voting Yes" by: Death Cab For Cutie - Oh sure, they're mildly trendy and famous now that their newest album has a radio friendly single. But, long before Death Cab was in, us aging hipsters were jamming to the old stuff on our dinged up acoustic guitars. Get this one, and pretend you were a Death Cab fan before they were cool. Music snobs rule. 4 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Vision: "Last Life in the Universe" directed by: Pen-Ek Ratanaruang - A mysterious, obsessive-compulsive, suicidal Japanese man living in Bangkok, Thailand, is thrown together with a Thai woman through a tragic chain of events. The woman is everything he is not. He is a neat freak who keeps his dishes washed and his books neatly stacked and categorized. She dresses like a slob, smokes pot and never picks anything up. Reading that over I realize one of the reasons I like this movie so much: an american studio would use the same set up for romantic comedy that the japanese use for tragedy. Is that irony or just good taste? 4 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Game ON!: "Super Long Nosed Goblin" by: Hudson Soft - Originally and only for the TurboGrafx-16, this is one of those funny looking, comically endearing, hard as hell type shooters that, although will have you throwing the controller all over the house while cursing everyone who had a hand in programming this damned thing, is so infectious that you'll keep picking it back up again. I never beat it, myself. But, maybe you'll have better luck tackling its eight colorful, comical stages with only one life, which is lost in a single hit. Yeah. Oh, and 3 continues. But, yeah. It's hard. 3.5 out of 5 fresh crescents.
Now, go shake what the good lord gave ya!
posted by: Zero @ 9:26 AM
Wednesday, December 7
Zung's Lucky Seven
So after getting back quite late last night, and waking up just before I had to leave for classes this morning, I am finally getting a chance to sit down in front of a computer and present to you...
7 interesting things about "The Daily Show (with John Stewart)"
(and no, I wasn't molested by security guards)
1. Getting tickets is really easy (through comedycentral.com) and they're free. Just be prepared to wait almost a month before hearing back from them via email, and nearly a year before actually seeing the show (we applied for ours back in March). Although now it appears that you can get last minute tickets by calling on Fridays (for next week's shows). Oh, and the tickets aren't even guaranteed. They give out more than they can seat and it's a first come first serve basis.
2. Doors open at 5pm. At 3pm there was already 20 people waiting in line outside. (The banner decorations outside the building were funny). I believe people who showed up after 4pm didn't get into the show. And there are the VIP people who show up whenever the hell they want and get seated first. Most of them were very pretty, well dressed people. Oh! And they periodically asked people if they had to use the bathroom, and let them go inside.
3. The studio is much smaller than you would imagine. It's basically a black box theatre with folding chairs. If you've ever been to Capital Rep Theatre in Albany, it's slightly smaller than that. (Speaking of short, John Stewart is not a tall man).
4. A warm up comic gets the crowd going. He didn't have a routine, and mostly asked the audience members questions and teased them. He also explained the rules, which were only "no photography", "turn off anything that makes noise" and "have a good time and laugh loud". Everyone dealing with the audience was really cool.
5. John Stewart comes out and talks with the audience and lets them ask questions. He is very much like he is on the show. A very quick wit, incredibly humble and can be sincere on the turn of a dime. (In fact, the guest yesterday, David McCullough, author of "John Adams" and "1776", was late getting to the studio, so John came out and killed more time talking to us before the interview segment).
6. On Wednesdays, they tape the opening segment for their "World Edition" (I assume that gets tacked on the beginning of a variety of segments from the whole week), which is sent out internationally. It was just a short bit about Saddam, nothing too exciting.
7. Everything is filmed in sequence, and there doesn't seem to be any extensive editing done. I could have watched the television screens above us and watched the whole thing like I was sitting home. I actually watched John a lot during the Ed Helms segment (which was pretaped) on the Rapture, and he was laughing at it. There are 5 minute breaks between each segment (the "commercial break" if you will) and they played a lot of really great music while the producers bullshitted with John. The over the shoulder graphics are actually displayed right on the big screens behind him, so there seems to be very little post production work. At the end, a telecast of Steven Colbert came up and they joked around with each other candidly for what seemed to be just a quick test of the two way broadcast right before ending the show with the "Colbert Report Update" and the moment of Zen.
posted by: Zung @ 7:56 AM
Monday, December 5
You're just another thing on my wishlist...
He knows when you've been sleeping...
He knows when you're awake...
He knows if you've been bad or good...
Santa... Jolly old elf or black op?
With the EggNog season in full swing (It's not everyone's cup of flem) and our arteries hardening as our hearts and brains are turning to mush. As every show on TV is getting ready for their holiday spectacular. I present to you a Wish list for all of TKOP!
On the first day of Cristmachanukwanzastice my sysop gave to me:
Old Friends - Let's face it. None of us are getting any younger. All of us have had something like marriages, surgeries, children, Jobs/careers, divorces, School Graduations, car accidents, and last but not least TIME come into our lives in the intervening time since TKOP was a single line dial up BBS. It's not like we have to explain BBSing any less... But at least now most people will understand when given the web as a point of reference.
Technology - Whatever you're using as a computer RIGHT NOW is a hell of a lot more powerful than we had running the board. Hell. Your cell phone is more powerful.
No Ads - Yeah, well...
Free time - What's that? Oh, yeah, that thing we used to have back in the day when video games sucked.
Holiday Feasts - The time of year to forget the diets. It's time to gorge on pies and fixings and all the wonderful, traditional holiday fare. Each family has a bit different Holiday meal. I've known people who it was Chinese on Christmas day. And others for whom it was Lasagna. Whatever it is, eat your fill, so that you get
FAT - Well, your new years resolution has to come from SOMEWHERE... It's either this or you need to go out and get a heroin addiction RIGHT NOW. (It's what all the chic kids are asking for for the Holidays)
The Interweb - Or we'd all have to get our porn the old fashioned way... In the backroom of the local video store.
YOU - In all seriousness... Finding all of you all over again is like coming home. I relish this second chance I've been given into all of your lives, as well as the opportunity to get to know many new people. I can't do it without you all, and you will always have a home here in the Kingdom.
Happy Festivus.
posted by: Skeeve @ 11:34 PM
Friday, December 2
Citizen Zero VII: The New Blood
So, it's taken me seven weeks to come up with a theme. The Friday Five, you'll recall, had a theme. I'm a big fan of themes. In fact, I plan on using the word 'theme' in almost every sentence of this blog. That, in fact, will be the theme. The theme, therefore, is to use the word 'theme'. It only took my seven weeks to come up with that theme. Sadly, I must now (breaking with the theme) digress.
In all seriousness though, Zung has the Friday Five... oops!... I mean, Lucky Seven. And Skeeve does a random bloggy blog about whatever strikes his fancy. I don't need to do that. I also don't want to do a weekly rant about my pet peeves, because eventually I'll end up sounding like an intolerant douchebag (see: Andy Rooney). So, how does the TKOP's most crescent fresh gamer contribute?...
...By taking a long, long time to get to the point! The point being, I'm not going to rant. I'm not going to list. I'm going to share (and I'm even going to leave my pants on so as not to scare off the potential new board members who might discover the board between Friday and Monday). Behold books, movies, music, and video games you may not have experienced, but should. The new Citizen Zero begins now:
Written Word: "Nip The Buds, Shoot The Kids" by: Kenzaburo Oe - The 1994 Nobel Prize Winner for Literature, Oe's Shoot The Kids tells the story of 15 rejects left to die by villagers fleeing a plague, as seen through the eyes of one of the infected boys. (4 out of 5 Fresh Crescents)
Sound: "Bitter To Better" by: Die Happy - German Metal/Pop band, Die Happy, return to form with their 4th album. A throwback to their early days when they were more slash and less bubblegum, Bitter doesn't pull any punches or get bogged down by cheesy ballads like previous albums "Beautiful Morning" and "The Weight Of The Circumstances". They still don't really hit the mark with their lyrics though... but, cut them some slack. English isn't their first language. (3.5 out of 5 Fresh Crescents)
Vision: "3-Iron" Directed By: Ki-Duk Kim - A young drifter enters strangers' houses while the owners are away. He spends a night or a day squatting in, repaying their unwitting hospitality by doing laundry or small repairs. His life changes when he runs into a beautiful woman in an affluent mansion who is ready to escape her unhappy, abusive marriage. A lack of dialogue makes this a perfect minimalist film. (5 out of 5 Fresh Crescents)
Game ON!: "Katamari Damacy" by: Namco - For Playstation 2, You're the Prince of All Cosmos. Your father, the King, is frantic because all the stars have fallen out of the sky. The only way to get them back? You have to go to Earth with a sticky ball and roll it over stuff, that becomes adhered to it, until it is a certain diameter. Start with dust flakes, thumb tacks and grow until you can pick up people, skyscrapers and even entire islands. The game is nuts. Obviously the end result of giving a few game designers and truckload of cocaine. (4.5 out of 5 Fresh Crescents)
Now go get your groove on. And Zung, make me some Fresh Crescent graphics, I think this format is a keeper.
posted by: Zero @ 1:03 AM
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